Positive stories please 🙏

[Gjals]

Hi 👋

I am 33 weeks with my first.

Just curious to know what to expect so throughout I've been googling to get some info about how life changes as a parent and hoping for something positive, however ALL I can find is total doom and gloom .... "I regret having kids" "my relationship failed" "i don't have time to brush my teeth" .

Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely clueless, but surely it can't be THAT bad being a parent ? Have we made a mistake ?! Why on earth wouldn't you be able to take a shower ? Surely baby sleeps , if not some days then I'm lucky enough to have a partner so I'm sure he will hang out with baby for 20 min while I shower ?

Please share your experiences/routines and hopefully some positive feelings around being a parent ,I really need them!

Ill share my mothers wisdom and keep it high level. If it was that bad then why do most people have more than one.

I think some people are too scared to leave baby for even a second, so can’t poo/shower/cook/clean without someone holding the baby.
My DH worked away and my parents couldn’t help, so I had to get on with it.
If baby is fed and clean they can be left in a safe place while you shower etc. They can be left to cry for a minute or two while you make a sandwich.
And I had two kids , so it can’t have been that bad.

You just need a cooperative partner and some organisational nous and most of it will fall into place

I literally never missed one shower raising my kids and my husband was away a lot when they were babies

Yes, babies sleep. Just not at the moment when you want a shower- that's when they want a feed

It's not all doom and gloom- I found being pregnant a lot worse than having a new born.

You'll need to reorganise your routine and won't be able to spontaneously do things you could before. As long as you accept that it should be all be good. Unless you have a high needs baby, and that's a totally different kettle of fish

Toddlers, now toddlers are a whole different thing to a new born.

I did wonder when my first was 6 months old why anyone ever had more than one child. I went on to have two more

1st six weeks can (NOT necessarily will) be very very hard due to a few factors: aftermath of childbirth; sudden adjustment; sleep deprivation; PPD or anxiety; feeding difficulties; sheer workload.
IME things turn around when the baby starts to be responsive and smile etc - you feel very rewarded.
Things that make a difference to how happy the first 6-8 weeks are IME:
partner who does his bit (night wakings, baths, nappy changes, bottle feeds if you're doing that, laundry, walks, plus all the domestic chores that still need to happen).
If breastfeeding's causing distress and/or not working, bottle feed (it's just food; and both parents can do it).
Having a routine from Day 1 - e.g. , keeping a dinner time for yourselves, trying to get the baby to sleep around the same times every day, feeding times as much as possible (obviously also responding to baby's hunger).
Social support from friends/family/ health professionals (or limiting exposure to family if they cause you distress)
finding a good mothers' group
keep doing little things that make you feel like 'yourself' (shower, tv, phone calls, hobbies) and not being tied to the baby 24/7,
sking other people for help in the first 6-8 weeks e.g. with making you food or picking up groceries. People tend to be very excited and want to help in the first week or 2 then they drop away, but you still need support after that.

There are incomparable pleasures about having children, but it helps to be prepared for it to be the most challenging job you'll ever have, and that goes on for about 20 years I think!
Best advice I had when pregnant was "Don't try and enjoy the experience as a whole because it's really hard work, try and focus on enjoying specific moments because there are millions of those".

Congratulations OP 💐

I was a lone parent from day one and my dd is almost 20. I have never missed a shower or a meal! The food wasn’t always as hot as I’d like but it takes more than a screaming toddler to keep me from food 😂

And never for even a nanosecond have I regretted having her. It’s the biggest joy of my life. I enjoyed every stage from newborn snuggles to crazy toddler trips to the park at 6.00am to helping her through the school years. I even loved (most of) the teen years!

Not to say I didn’t have bad days. Mainly when I was ill. You can’t phone in sick. It’s a huge shift in lifestyle when you have your first and some people find it harder than others. There’s no shame in people admitting they are struggling and those voices tend to dominate. No one wants to hear about the smug blissful new mums. It’s human nature to empathise and tell your own war stories!

I’m a foster carer to teenagers now so it can’t have been that bad!

When I was pregnant everyone was so negative - they said I would not have the time to look like I do, I won't know what has hit me - how awful the todler years are - teenage years it went on and on. And so eager to offer advise (not always good advise)
I made the effort everyday - I did not stay in my pyjamas with no make up on - although tired I loved the night feeds as I knew this would come to an end one day and I just embraced it. I loved being a mother - never had any major issues with the toddler years and my beautiful daughter is now 16 and still no trouble.
Every baby is different and every relationship is different.
Don't listen to these miseries it seems they want to set you up to fail and relish in thir words that you will be a walking zombie - you won't because you sound a positive person. Enjoy every minute of your baby

Well personally I struggled to take showers and eat properly in the early months because that would be when baby was screaming.. and in the early days, they don’t want dad. They want mum plus food

But you do get through it and having kids is wonderful!

I'm also 33 weeks with my first so reading with interest as I'm in a state of fear and panic of what is to come

Scary isn't it...I had imagined quiet snuggles with a cute squishy baby and nice hot baths while while are napping, binge watching netflix with a coffee and biscuits waiting for my fella to get home so I can pop out for a jog ,then once she's down for the night opening a bottle of wine and having a nice tea. Maybe a bit ambitious though . We will be ok !! X

Thanks guys! I know we all have different experiences and routines but good to know on the whole that it is positive. Totally expect some healing days, and thanks bluebell I am worried about letting myself go completely as I have during pregnancy (not enjoying myself at all) - I'm hoping il be feeling a little more like me when baby comes and will want to pamper myself a bit !!

oh look it's hard - sleep deprivation sucks! But it's ok, I also never missed a shower, and managed to maintain a life outside of the baby (including working). I also found pregnancy much harder than the newborn stage.

I did plan to write a novel in my first maternity leave - that didn't quite work out!

If family/friends offer to help take up their offers so you can have some time for yourself. The best piece of advise is go with the flow - don't put any pressure or expectations on yourself and do what is right for you not others.

I've 3 and while yes, it is overwhelming and stressful in the early weeks, I think that's mainly down to lack of sleep so really do try to sleep when the baby does. Course you have time to shower etc.

Establish a good routine with your baby having naps upstairs in a quiet room and this really will pay dividends. This happens later on, say around 16 weeks. But I really noticed a difference on my 2nd when I reduced all stimulation when she needed to sleep.

OP, there's nothing like it... Your precious baby asleep on your chest, content and secure. And then all the lovely stages thereafter. It's not always a walk in the park but it's so worth it. Best of luck.

OP - I think it depends what your baby is like but I managed to do most of what you imagined. It wasn't every day but if we had been up a lot in the night and were tired, I would let her sleep on me for several hours while I watched a box set. Other days, she wouldn't settle and so I would go for long walks in the local woods - often with another mum friend so we can chat and once our babies were asleep, we could stop for a coffee and cake.

Some days I would nap in the afternoon with DD to catch up on sleep, other times I would use that time to catch up on the housework.

Some evenings my DH and I did manage to watch a film and share a bottle of wine. Often DD would wake a couple of times and I'd have to settle her back to sleep, but that would normally only take 10mins.

If you have a good willing partner, they will take baby to let you have a long bath or go for a jog. I found that evenings before DD settled for the night, she would be quite unsettled and need lots of cuddles, so this was normally at the weekend in the morning for me. That might not be the case for you and you might get your evening jog.

My advice would be not to let others take the joy out of your baby and your plans.you will figure out what works for you.

I always put baby in a Moses basket on the bathroom floor while I showered - ideally while he was napping but he usually woke up haha. I would sing in the shower to try to keep him chill. Never understood people saying they can't shower without someone else to hold baby.

Hi and congratulations 💐
I'm almost 33wks with our 5th child.... our household is full of fun,chaos,noise and most importantly love! You will have time to shower,brush your teeth and go toilet but you will find the routine to fit around being mum.....sometimes you have the opportunity to have a nice shower but instead decide to sleep,watch TV or binge on chocolate lol whatever gets you through! The newborn stage is scary but absolutely magical.....enjoy the new baby 'bubble' and as a parent you will forever be adjusting to new stages but can still enjoy days out,meal in or takeaway etc .... life won't change for the worse but for the better! 😊 enjoy! x