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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Separating/divorce whilst pregnant

5 replies

Fairycakes86 · 26/10/2021 23:16

My husband and I are in our late 30s and I am nearly 13 weeks pregnant with our first child conceived through a year of ivf treatment.

We have been married for 2 years, together for 4. To be honest we have been fighting for many years and it has definitely got worse over the last year or two. He’s said before that these fights will eventually end our marriage and this evening we had a fight. He said he had enough and wants a divorce. He said it quite matter of factly and said he felt a sense of relief. On the other hand I don’t want a divorce and want to keep working on the marriage. To be honest I do feel a sense of failure and am scared at the prospect of being alone and raising a child outside the happy family unit I had dreamt about. I’m scared about the stress and how it will affect the baby.

My questions are how do you know when it’s over? How do I cope when I feel like I just can’t? How will being pregnant change the process of divorce, if any? I feel so lost and upset.

OP posts:
Fairycakes86 · 27/10/2021 11:01

Bumping - would really appreciate any advice please!

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 27/10/2021 11:12

You know it's over when one person wants out. You can't force him to stay unfortunately but he could have had the balls to end it before you put yourself through all of that!

I'd get the divorce done asap. Start afresh ready for when the baby comes.

Does he still want the baby?

Terribleluck · 27/10/2021 11:28

A Relate counsellor said once to me: "the relationship ends when one side or both stop trying and have to will to ever try again". Or something similar.

ErickBroch · 27/10/2021 11:40

So sorry OP, it does sound final from his end. What are your fights about? It doesn't sound healthy or 'normal' to have fights that make you both say it will end your marriage.

1234worried · 27/10/2021 16:58

Just seen your post and truly feel for you. Pregnancy is scary (im 7 weeks) without all the stress you are under. He needs to cut you some slack - your hormones will be RAGING.

It simply sounds like you need help communicating with each other, arguments are just two people who aren't hearing each other and frustrations build. Would you consider talking to a professional who could help you with this?

Whatever happens you can still be a wonderful mother. Take care x

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