Tinder date-red flag?

[Slimerecipehell]

Had been chatting to someone on Tinder, arranged a date Sun, was very safe etc etc. Nice bloke, got on really well. Next morning, I had a Facebook friend request from him, he didn’t even know my surname so presumably has somehow searched me out! I do know I’m extra sensitive when it comes to things like this as my ex husband stalked me for quite some time after I threw him out, that’s another story…
Am I being over paranoid that he’s not just been a bit nosey and found me,but then sent me a friend request after one date?

@Winniemarysarah

Just goes to show there's lots of different ways of viewing it, right? It's not that your way is right and others are wrong, it's just that we're all different, so all we can do is make sure we spend our time with people who make sense to us.

Researching is fine, it’s the friend request that’s made OP think, no?

I’d find it invasive so soon. Why would you suddenly share so much personal info to someone you are just getting to know? Even if they have loads of potential it’s still too soon (IMO).

@Winniemarysarah

I disagree with your way of thinking. Do you not research the people you’re going out on dates with? No way would I go on a date with a man without knowing any of his personal information apart from his first name. Second name is definitely a must because I’d make a point of checking him out on google/social media before meeting up with him. I’d also not date someone where the online/phone conversations hadn’t even moved past what profession he’s in. I think it’s a bit bizarre people are thinking he’s a potential creep or stalker because he’s (probably) seen your name on WhatsApp so looked you up on fb and sent a friend request. It’s a normal thing to do when you’re interested in someone

I knew his surname and profession, I didn’t ask for it but he offered it, and I therefore checked it all out before date. He hadn’t asked for mine, but had discussed my profession briefly. I’m sure most people have a stalk before meeting someone, so presume he did too, which is fine. I think it was more the point he sent a friend request after one meeting. Suppose everyone’s different and maybe that’s what he does and I don’t.

@ArseulaUndressed

Researching is fine, it’s the friend request that’s made OP think, no?

I’d find it invasive so soon. Why would you suddenly share so much personal info to someone you are just getting to know? Even if they have loads of potential it’s still too soon (IMO).

Absolutely, totally agree. x

I think if most people wanted to add you on FB (even if they'd already had a bit of a snoop) they'd ask 'are you on Facebook?' to see if the person linked them to/told them their name on there, before adding them. Otherwise it seems a bit prying.

It's not about who is right/wrong/odd/normal; it's about what you like, what you enjoy, what makes you smile
But what about those of us who enjoy the odd and are (wrongly) attracted to the red flags?! Some of us have a dysfunctional radar and need to think it through with strangers on mumsnet!

[quote TheFoundations]@Winniemarysarah

Just goes to show there's lots of different ways of viewing it, right? It's not that your way is right and others are wrong, it's just that we're all different, so all we can do is make sure we spend our time with people who make sense to us.[/quote]
There are obviously different ways of viewing it. That’s different to the actual statistics of dating strange men. For me that would be knowing their first and last names, their profession and preferably job location, their address, criminal history and any notable previous relationships including recent long term girlfriends/wives and children. I’d note the details of the date and share them with a friend of mine so someone knew where I was. If he was picking me up then I’d discreetly take the car make/model and registration to share with a friend. I’d find most of these details online before meeting him though. If anything made me uneasy I’d phone the police under the local disclosure scheme. According to this thread this makes me a massive stalker. But according to the op just a first name is fine, though I noticed she dodged my question by saying that this one particular person volunteered the info so it’s different. Compared to dating me (when my priority is protecting me and my children) I think a friends request on fb is pretty tame

@TheFoundations

If somebody does something that makes you wonder if it's a red flag after one date, walk away. Your job isn't to 'get it right' and behave well according to some set of rules. Your job is to be responsible for your own feelings, and to respond in a way that respects your feelings.

The right person for you won't have you pondering on red flags. It's not about who is right/wrong/odd/normal; it's about what you like, what you enjoy, what makes you smile.

I agree.

I don't personally think it's odd for "the norm" after one date, unless he's a hookup or he paid. But it you're uncomfortable with it, then you're uncomfortable with it. You're one date in - you can tell him to get to fuck!

There are obviously different ways of viewing it. That’s different to the actual statistics of dating strange men. For me that would be knowing their first and last names, their profession and preferably job location, their address, criminal history and any notable previous relationships including recent long term girlfriends/wives and children. I’d note the details of the date and share them with a friend of mine so someone knew where I was. If he was picking me up then I’d discreetly take the car make/model and registration to share with a friend. I’d find most of these details online before meeting him though. If anything made me uneasy I’d phone the police under the local disclosure scheme. According to this thread this makes me a massive stalker. But according to the op just a first name is fine, though I noticed she dodged my question by saying that this one particular person volunteered the info so it’s different. Compared to dating me (when my priority is protecting me and my children) I think a friends request on fb is pretty tame

You’re taking this too personally. Men are a threat to women, so you protect yourself by doing this as a safety measure. Women do not pose the same threat to men, so his reasons are likely different.

Blimey! Not sure what question I dodged? Ask me again…
Personally wouldn’t get picked up by a first date regardless of having their number plate but each to their own, hence I was only asking opinions about whether the FB was a bit much.

@Slimerecipehell

Blimey! Not sure what question I dodged? Ask me again… Personally wouldn’t get picked up by a first date regardless of having their number plate but each to their own, hence I was only asking opinions about whether the FB was a bit much.

Sorry, this was a reply to someone but it seems I can’t reply to them…

I think I’d see how many fb friends he has. Some people just add everyone, I find that odd but there’s nothing really wrong with it. If he has loads then he probably just clicked to add you without even really thinking about it.

I was once added on fb about 2 months after I went on one date with a guy, and when I looked he only had about 15 fb friends. Given the time gap and the fact he clearly didn’t have loads of friends on there, it seriously creeped me out. What you’ve described I would maybe find a little forward, but wouldn’t be a deal breaker on it’s own.