In Love With Best Friend

[ap1010]

Me and this girl who used to be the best of friends fell off about 2 years ago after a relationship attempt failed. She got her new boyfriend and dated up until this August. They broke up and we started texting again just platonic. Given our past, we jumped back into being really close relatively quickly. We would text all day and night then we started seeing each other all the time again. We admitted our feelings and we decided to take it slow since she had just got out of a relationship a few weeks prior. After about a month of the talking stage she told me she really liked me, but she still felt some sadness about the breakup. Not because the guy was good, but because she had wasted her time with someone she thought she loved. She told me she knew i can give her the love that she’s looking for, but that right now while she can’t be her right self for me while mourning. Which is how I know this isn’t a rebound situation.

We’re friends before anything. I told her I was here for her through everything and that it wasn’t a problem. That maybe one day in the future our time would come for each other. Now this is where the problem starts. We’ve been talking as friends on a regular basis, not seeing each other as much but I feel like i’m falling in love with her. I accept and love her for her. whole heartedly and genuinely. Holding it in feels like a brick on my chest and it’s eating me alive. I’ve never been in love, i know what attraction and lust feels like. This is a completely different feeling. I want to tell her, but I don’t want her to feel as if i’m rushing towards something too soon. I want to give her the time to reassure that she’ll find a true love. What do i do? I can’t give her up and distance myself. All i think about is her even when we don’t talk. It’s an exhilarating yet emotionally draining feeling. I just don’t know whether or not to tell her. She talks to me about how she hates her ex, but she can hate him and not be over the relationship. Do i wait? Do i come clean? It feels like i’m lying to her.

Either all in or all out op. Because she is not ypur froend if she is someone you have ulterior designs on.

Ask her if she would like to date.
If she says yes, great. Anything else, including wishy washy answers, then cut her lose.

I mean this in nicest way,stop being a soppy love sick puppy. She’s not interested
You cannot make her want you, she’s said she’s not interested. Stop the tortured soul dramatics
It’s kinda creepy to be a friend who actually wants to be in a relationship when she’s given you the no not now answer

How did the first relationship attempt fail? Did she walk away the first time as well?

If both failed attempts have been because she hasn't wanted to carry on, you might have to accept that she doesn't reciprocate your feelings. Particularly if she then fell in love with someone after you. Sometimes you can like someone, realise they may be a good fit but still feel something missing. And that missing thing is the glue that holds a relationship together. She obviously likes your company and the emotional closeness, but I'm not getting the feeling she wants more than that. Ever.

You can tell her how you feel, but she already knows that.....The issue seems to be she doesn't feel the same way? And I think you should take space from her, focus on yourself and meeting new people/doing new hobbies, let her mourn the relationship in her own time. And after that if she is interesting in being with you, she'll come to you. But don't wait around helping heal her broken heart because there is no guarantee she will definitely want you after that. And seeing her go after someone else would be agonising second time around.

You're not really her friend - you want to be with her and you're hoping she will change her mind and say she wants that too. That isn't real friendship.

She knows how you feel and you know she doesn't reciprocate.

Back off, walk away and she'll be in touch if she changes her mind and wants to give things a go with you romantically.

But it's a shit feeling as a woman when you have a friend and it turns out they were only being 'such a nice guy' because they wanted more. I appreciate its a bit different here in that things had blurred lines for a while.

But you know she doesn't want what you want now, so don't hang around under the guise of friendship.

You're not a rebound, you're filling a gap and warming up the seat for the next guy. I think I'd rather be a rebound and know it, I'm afraid you're a bookmark. Quit while you're ahead, I'm sorry 😥

She'll break your heart.

Bin her off before you get sucked in further.

Half some self respect don’t pursue someone who’s not want you. Don’t do the pick me dance.
She’s had ample opportunity to pick you and she didn’t pick you
Read the signals and stop pursuing this girl.
Fall in love be happy with someone else when it’s reciprocated and all that love you give sits happiness with someone who feels it and reciprocates your feelings

Oh god, you're not in a romantic novel. Drop the drama. Ask her if she'd be interested in going out for a date with you sometime.

It really is that simple.

And if she says no, your 'I can't give her up and distance myself from her' will become freaky stalker stuff, if it's true. You absolutely can distance yourself from her. Unless you're not an adult and responsible for your own actions?

You need to grow up. You sound like a school kid with a crush.

But you’ve already told her! You even went out with her (I think?) before she started seeing her ex! She just doesn’t return your feelings, and is upfront about still being preoccupied with her ex. She couldn’t be any clearer without being actively cruel. And in the nicest possible way, ‘lovesick puppy’ isn’t a good look on anyone. Move on, OP. This isn’t a goer.

Spoiler alert: this is the plot in Sally Rooney’s latest novel. Read it to find out :)

@LadyWithLapdog

Spoiler alert: this is the plot in Sally Rooney’s latest novel. Read it to find out :)

Actually, more happens in the new Sally Rooney, and the two couples do actually shag one another on a regular basis, at least.

😂 I didn’t want to give everything away 😂