Am I crazy?

[user1111123234455]

NC.

I keep watching things that trigger me. Most recently Maids on Netflix.

I was really ill for a week. XP took our child to school one of those days, no offers of dropping food off for me and my children (we only have one child between us but I have children from a previous relationship)...or even offer to wash the dishes or clothes. We've actually been seeing each other again for quite a while although really only once a week. I suppose after 8 years together I thought he'd have cared a bit more. All that happened really was 'it better not be covid' because he'd need to take time off work.

Think because of being so ill and stressed (missed my own work, kids missed school 2 days because I couldn't get out of bed, dentist app for them and after school activities missed) I totally lost it - told him he was the most selfish person I'd ever met. He replied that his life doesn't revolve around me anymore.

I know I started off with the trigger stuff and my reasoning for that is, I don't know if other issues are clouding my judgement. I went on the attack first, he's reacted.

I'm really just not sure what to do with myself. I'm my own worst enemy and feel completely alone. Someone please talk some sense into me!

I'm sorry you're in such a bad way .

Without delving into the whys and wherefores, I would say your ex is an ex for a reason, even if it's as simple as non-compatibility. You were poorly, your judgment was probably clouded and and you spoke in anger - he failed to catch the nuance of the situation and bit back. Try not to over-think this.

Do you have any other friends/family who can support you with childcare or just a real life listening ear?

Do you think you might be depressed? I know it's a nightmare trying to get proper medical support for MH issues on the NHS but it would' hurt to speak to your GP. Your workplace might also have access to resources - I know mine has a support line you can phone free of charge.

Watching things that trigger you - you're aware you're doing this, which is a good first step to stopping. I can only suggest you make a conscious effort to avoid this. Are there any old (non-triggering) favourite box sets that you can settle down and binge watch? When I'm depressed I like to hunt out series I loved as a child - both children's and adults - or classic comedies such as 'Only Fools and Horses' or 'Blackadder'. There's so much out there, it must be possible for you to change your focus.

I hope you feel better soon and can find a way to stop stressing about an incident with your ex that really isn't worth your headspace.

Hi, thank you so much. I'm on the waiting list for past trauma treatment amd have been for several months. I don't have any support so I know I'm self sabotaging.

As for boxsets, my cheering up box set is Friends! I will watch that. I just feel so... not normal. Thank you so much again x