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Original poster

Dumped by text after 2 months

20 replies

GeekyGirl42 · 25/10/2021 23:10

She is adorable though and very very loveable. Lots to like. I was having to hold in any big L declarations last time I saw her.

But a very significant sexual incompatibility raised its head last weekend (something she's been worried about for weeks) and no matter now much I said this wasn't a problem (just needed better communication) she couldn't drop the idea that she was letting me down, or that the fact that this had emerged so late meant that she didn't have everything fully figured out.

I said I knew this was difficult but she had a horrendous anxiety attack and then I could see that being with me was causing her distress as well as all the smiles I'd seen before.

I left this morning with lots of doubts but said let's get some space and figure this out. I've been crying all day because I knew one of us needed to do this, but this evening she dumped me over text.

I sent a couple of reactive texts back (idiot) so now I don't like myself and I'm struggling with trusting myself to ever make a good decision to let my guard down again.

There's also evidence it wasn't quite a exclusive as she'd said. I text about that but I've apologized since because it doesn't matter.

Feel like every experience like this chips a little bit off from my ability to get vulnerable in the future.

OP posts:
Original poster
GeekyGirl42 · 25/10/2021 23:48

Btw the incompatibility was sexual (me) vs a lsexual (her). Revealed only a week or so a go.

OP posts:
Original poster
GeekyGirl42 · 25/10/2021 23:52

Llsexual = asexual when typed by the bath 😂

OP posts:
LorenzoVonMatterhorn · 25/10/2021 23:52

I sent a couple of reactive texts back
What does that mean? Because it sounds like the problem isnt sexual, but that you are quite an unpleasant person.

Original poster
GeekyGirl42 · 25/10/2021 23:54

I just mean not very well thought through "I knew this was coming" rather than just "thank you for letting me know it sounds like the right decision even if there is hurt in one or both sides"

OP posts:
Rainbowunicorn76 · 26/10/2021 00:04

So you dated somebody, wanting a full sexual relationship, but she's asexual and also seeing somebody else do I have that right?

If so, I think it was never going to work long term and she's ripped the band aid off rather than let things limp on.

I'm sorry it hurts but try to mentally close the door on this one and carry on looking.

SpindelWhorl · 26/10/2021 00:11

Same-sex relationship? Maybe she's not entirely ready to be in that place sexually. But as you are, move on and find someone else who wants what you want and is compatible. I appreciate it can hurt a lot when even a relatively new relationship breaks up, but one thing life has taught me is that you have to let it go.

In this context, her association with anyone else is irrelevant tbh.

Opentooffers · 26/10/2021 00:14

Ever considered that she might already be seeing someone else, so claimed to be asexual out of guilt? Whatever the reason, it sounds like she'd be a headfuck, but my guess is she's looking for a get out , because she's not actually free.

Original poster
GeekyGirl42 · 26/10/2021 00:14

Yes same sex. We are both established lesbians... Not our first rodeo!!

I had said that it didn't need to be a full sexual relationship as that's just one part of a relationship.

OP posts:
Original poster
GeekyGirl42 · 26/10/2021 00:18

I don't think she was seeing anyone else but I do think this was an unintentional head fuck

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 26/10/2021 00:19

Bit weird she waited two months to tell you she's asexual.

Original poster
GeekyGirl42 · 26/10/2021 00:25

Yes that massively hurt. It was indicative of her being not in a good place for a relationship as she's working quitd a few things out.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 26/10/2021 01:24

Umm being asexual vs you being sexual is a huge deal. I thought you was going be a tiny little thing like she had an aversion to hand jobs or something.

I mean maybe if she is a sex positive aesexual (enjoys having sex just because she enjoys seeing your pleasure) then it would be workable. But otherwise...

Also, for two months in this was way too intense. The L word? *face palm.

She has done you a favor.

Pinkbonbon · 26/10/2021 01:25

*thought it was

Aquamarine1029 · 26/10/2021 01:50

This is just a blip on the radar and she's done you a massive favour. Block and move on.

1forAll74 · 26/10/2021 02:00

I wouldn't think it matters too much, after just two months of being together.

Original poster
GeekyGirl42 · 26/10/2021 03:05

@Pinkbonbon

Umm being asexual vs you being sexual is a huge deal. I thought you was going be a tiny little thing like she had an aversion to hand jobs or something.

I mean maybe if she is a sex positive aesexual (enjoys having sex just because she enjoys seeing your pleasure) then it would be workable. But otherwise...

Also, for two months in this was way too intense. The L word? *face palm.

She has done you a favor.

Same sex relationship so no one's doing hand jobs 😉

L-word blurts can become a risk for me at this point normally - doesn't mean I should say it (and I'm very good at holding it in)!!! I know when I feel that though that I need to get out if it's casual.

OP posts:
WTF475878237NC · 26/10/2021 03:15

Hand jobs can be same sex too surely you use your hands?

She has done the right thing. After two months you barely knew each other really. That doesn't mean it can't hurt though, more so that you mourn the loss of what might have been (even if just a fantasy!).

Original poster
GeekyGirl42 · 26/10/2021 03:25

We tend not to call it that

She absolutely did do the right thing but ouch....

It was intense. She likes to be on the phone whilst driving so we were calling 3 - 4 times a day - nearly all initiated by her. I KNOW that is bad boundaries and stacks up a problem for later

OP posts:
WTF475878237NC · 26/10/2021 03:43

I understand. That's a lot of contact to nothing. The older I get the more cynical I seem to be about relationships. I do believe that many people unintentionally use others for a season then move on. I hope you feel better soon.

Original poster
GeekyGirl42 · 26/10/2021 05:26

Thank you... I don't think anyone was used here. But yes, always a good idea to have better boundaries on how much contact us ok until more trust is there

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