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Original poster

Husband drinking while looking after the kids, wwyd

15 replies

SheSellsShellSuits · 25/10/2021 22:37

Hi, name changed for this as it is an ancillary issue to me generally wanting to leave my husband.

I went out today to work in another city and came home and he clearly has been drinking whiskey while looking after the kids (both under 10). He was obnoxious when I got in, though they are both asleep. He drinks every night anyway, but always seems to drink more when charged with the kids. I hate it.

It goes right back to when they were babies and if I'd leave them with him he'd drink like 2 bottles of wine in charge of a baby. Why, I don't know.

I absolutely hate it. It is part of what's stopping me leaving him as I am petrified he'd do it when they visited.

What can I do? Does anyone have any insight?

OP posts:
endofagain · 25/10/2021 22:41

Social services?
Ask the school for advice? They have to follow safeguarding procedures.
We had an incident at primary school when a parent turned up very drunk to collect dc. The HT called SS and they intervened. In that case they got help and support for the parent to detox, as well as other interventions.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 25/10/2021 22:52

Jesus thats awful! What if one of the kids had needed to be taken to hospital.

Original poster
SheSellsShellSuits · 25/10/2021 23:43

Reassured that people think this is awful - it is

OP posts:
halloweenie13 · 25/10/2021 23:47

I think if its a Friday and kids are in bed and your having a glass of wine or cider its fine, but if he's drinking to the point of distorted behaviors, regularly and more than the legal amount to drive to hospital in emergency then as above says get intervention and log his drinking patterns he's a risk to himself and others.

PersonaNonGarter · 25/10/2021 23:48

Why, I don't know.

Yeah, you do know. He’s an alcoholic.

Why are you leaving your precious DC with this guy.

Wiredforsound · 26/10/2021 00:55

I agree with the poster above. A glass of wine on a Friday night? No problem. 2 bottles of wine during the day? Absolutely no way. He must be absolutely paralytic.

Original poster
SheSellsShellSuits · 26/10/2021 09:22

He isn’t paralytic, but maybe that’s worse

OP posts:
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 26/10/2021 09:26

If it was an occasional drink, or because you had people over etc then that's fine.

Drinking every day definitely isn't. Drinking big amounts regularly also isn't, even more so if his consumption increases when he's in charge of the kids. He has a drinking problem.

ImUninsultable · 26/10/2021 09:27

If you left him, do you actually think he would want the kids for any extended length of time?
It sounds like he wouldnt give a toss whether he had them for an overnight or not.

I know it leaves you with all the work. It isnt easy. I'm a single parent to 2 kids and they see their dad for about 6 hours a week, and that's only been for three last couple of years. When he first left, we didnt see him for 5 years. He wasnt interested.

It is hard. But it is also so much easier and you feel so much lighter once they're gone. If it's anything like my situation then you planned this life when he was a "good guy" but once the kids came alone, this side of him, the real him, came out and you feel trapped.

You're not. Get out.

ImUninsultable · 26/10/2021 09:28

*for the last couple years

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/10/2021 09:33

SheSellsShellSuits

What are you getting out of this relationship now?.

re your comment:-
"It is part of what's stopping me leaving him as I am petrified he'd do it when they visited".

Visited where, his subsequent pit of a flat?.

Do you really think that such a man would be at all bothered with his children post separation?. If he wanted to see them that much (doubtful as they would interfere with his drinking time) he could see them in a contact centre. They would not have to visit him outside of there.

When have you, let alone your children here ever known your husband, their dad respectively to be stone cold sober; probably not very often. He may not be completely paralytic but that is not the point; he is in sole charge of his children whilst you are working.

This has been a feature of their entire lives and it will affect them markedly, just as this has affected you. Alcoholism is not called "the family disease" without good reason because all family members are affected by it.

What other factors are stopping you from leaving him?.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 26/10/2021 09:35

You have a choice re this man, they do not.

morningglory84 · 26/10/2021 09:39

For the sake of your innocent beautiful children, please keep them away from the drunk

Kittykat93 · 26/10/2021 10:59

What would social services do? Genuine question. Those poor children in the news this week who were abused and tortured for years by the parents and nothing was done, do SS really step in for things like this? I'm surprised

Doggotired · 26/10/2021 11:02

My ex husband used to do this and lie about it, I was at work and I would come home in the evening and he was drunk and baby would be in bed. I left him…

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