Ever feel like your husband is just not that into you?

[hereforthechat]

..because I do!

My husband is just generally really unenthusiastic around me. I get one word answers and unimpressed looks but told he is "fine" if I ask what's up. He has moody vibes but says he is happy when he looks anything but! I don't think I have done anything wrong, we aren't arguing about anything... just feels like he isn't that into me. I don't really know how to resolve it when I'm told he is fine if I ask. He isn't depressed, it really does just seem to be around me. We still have sex a few times a month. He knows the days that's more likely to happen (generally the weekend) and he definitely makes more effort to talk to me on those days. This makes me feel used and like I'm only good for sex as far as he is concerned. Just not sure what I can do to improve this. It's starting to feel quite awkward. Like there's an elephant in the room that only I can see if that makes sense?!!

I was going to ask how does he act around other people (his friends, family or work colleagues)? If he is generally brighter/ more engaged with them, this could be an indicator. Are you sure he’s not clinically depressed? Again, it’s a tricky one to identify but does he seem to be disinterested or lacking in motivation with many different things?
As with all situations like this, the only way to move forward is communication. I would sit & have a very frank conversation with him. Explain the sex thing (see how he reacts if you don’t have sex) & I would say that you feel you are living a “half life” where there is no enjoyment or closeness from you being together. It usually goes one of two ways - either they admit they’re not happy & you start to make plans to split or he wants to try to rebuild the relationship. I would say the inertia that you currently have is not an option or sustainable.
Good luck OP.

What would he say I you tried to organise a date night for example?

I think you're flogging a dead horse. Hard to accept but I doubt he will change until you mention divorce and even after that the changes might be short lived.

Talk to him, try to tell him how you feel and go from there. If things don't change you will eventually be much happier on your own than feeling unimportant and worthless. Projecting now, but that's how you'll start to feel.

Good luck.

I'm going to push him for an answer as to why he is being off with me, I'm fairly certain it's because he hasn't had sex for a few weeks.

I would probably approach it slightly differently to this. Rather than asking him for an answer, I'd tell him my interpretation of the situation. Something like, "I'm aware we've not had sex for a while due to one thing and another, and I've noticed this coincides with you being terribly uninterested in me. I know that you generally make more of an effort with me in days you think you're more likely to have sex and to be honest it makes me feel very used. You don't seem to bother trying to connect with me for any other reason. I feel like we don't have a relationship. I'd love it if we could reconnect as a couple outside of the bedroom (and inside it). I want to go out for nice meals with you, take walks together, cook posh food at home over a glass of wine, go out to see the new Bond movie, make plans for when the kids leave home. I want us to be a couple. What do you want?"

He sounds horrible. I think saying it's run its course is an understatement.

hereforthechat how’s things been over the past few days?