How to let go of the anger?

[Struggling1702]

Hi!
Name change but long time user.

I need help letting go and not being this angry, bitter ex...

I left my husband 2 year ago now after I discovered he had a third affair, as well as so much inappropriate behaviour (sexual messaging etc). He moved out and I kept children in the family home (DS10 and DD6), he seems them one night a week and EOW.

He has treated me appallingly when he doesn't get his own way. He's been verbally and emotionally abusive and the past 6 months or so he has been trying to "starve me (and the children) out of the home".

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I feel like he destroyed my life and his life has only got better. He's getting the family home as part of the divorce (he earns 6 figures and can afford it, I can't) and I am moving to a new house in a not very nice area. He has all the time in the world for his hobbies and social life, has loads of money for holidays (and time too as I do most of holiday childcare) and I do all the hard grunt parenting work.

And yesterday, the children met his new girlfriend. She's a lot, lot younger than me, prettier and more succesful. She has stayed round overnight before when he had the kids but he wouldn't let them see her and they were told to not go in his room... I obviously had something to say about this so he did introduce them after our chat but then sent the kids upstairs to their room. I am so angry that he can behave like this and do what he wants, yet I have to be so very very careful. I too am seeing someone but I have been so so careful and taken things so very very slowly to protect my children and if I'm honest, I don't think I will ever live with him as I'm worried it might impact the kids. Yet here the ex is, talking about having kids with this new woman without a care in the world.

I just feel he has thrown a grenade into our lives and swanned off happily into the sunset with his new little life. He also loves the arrangement of seeing the kids just a few days a fortnight (he used to work away when we were married so no difference here really).

Don't get me wrong, I would not cope without seeing my kids but my god it's so hard juggling everything, and sometimes I am jealous of the life he has got. Does that make me a bad person?

. He stopped paying maintenance. Unfortunately family home won't get sold, it's going to him. I'm moving out and he's moving back in

Where is your solicitor in all of this. You should be getting at LEAST 50% of the value of the house and any pensions he has and he should be paying maintainance.

@HomicidalPsychoJungleCat we have just sorted the financials. I'm getting 60% of the equity released to me but he is remortgaging to release that to me. Also getting half his pension and maintenance will be court ordered to make sure he doesn't always have this hold over me. So it is good in that sense. Just stings a bit that he is getting the home for him and the new partner...

Can understand it stinging a bit re the family home but what you usually find is that when the ow/om moves in to the marital home within a short time the ex & the om/ow have usually moved house.
It's a territorial thing as no one likes to live with the constant reminders/ghosts of a previous relationship that they helped wreck.

Take heart on the house front.. Having moved out of the family home a couple of months ago I can honestly say it was the best bit. I had thought I wanted to keep it and the idea of leaving killed me but the new start in a place thats ‘ours’ has been miraculous for the kids and I…so stating there might not be the triumph he thinks…

So gf is probably moving into the home he had with his ex(you and all the shared memories and routines).
He is going to start a new family from scratch(I hope he loves the newborn and toddler stages)
He will have to try to keep up with his much younger gf.
Hobbies(young gf might not go along with that)
Holidays(nice until the new baby comes along)
I hope he has buckets of money to keep the young gf interested in him.
And all the while, you know he will be discontented and looking elswhere.

Nope. Nothing to envy there.

What stood out for me was you doing school holidays care. Will he pay for summer clubs and take his AL? He would have to be a monster heartless bastard to look his dc in the eye and say, 'Not having you in the holidays as I am punishing your mother for not letting me screw around.'

Havent read all the posts... sorry.. its my bedtime!.... but my question is...
She might be younger, prettier and successful... but she has shit taste in men... and her time will come....
You have the kids and its full time grown up responsibility.... and they will ALWAYS remember who was there for them....