Lonely and miserable

[olderandwiserx]

I've never been this sad or lonely in my life.
I'm an older mum of 4 and have been with my husband since a teen.

We had a big age gap before having a unexpected baby in our early 40s.

Before that we had our other children very young and had had careers and had freedom to travel go out etc.

My husband has a large group of friends, does occasional nights out and trips abroad etc with them. I only had a handful of friends before baby now I have none. Like there is no one I can text/ ring or contacts me. I have no family that bother with me either. My family are very toxic and I struggle to maintain a good relationship with them, I had a very dysfunctional childhood. Which makes me wonder if I have issues? I think I'm a nice person though? I've never been horrible to anyone, I like a chat, cuppa, shopping, cinema reading. I've travelled. I think I'm interesting. I just don't know what I'm doing wrong.

I try and meet other mums with babies but they are all younger than me and we don't have much in common.

It's getting to a point where it's affecting my marriage as I'm so resentful I'm stuck at home all day and not only that I have no one to go out with ever or talk to but dh does.

Not even sure what the point of this post is, maybe any suggestions on new friendship in my position?

I'm a bit stuck at moment as breastfeeding and baby only wants me at night, so nights out evening hobbies etc are out.

I just feel so awful and I can't get myself out of it.

You sound in a tough situation .

What happened to the handful of friends you had before the baby was born?

Are you planning to go back to work? Do you enjoy your work?

I think it is a tricky time to find new friends because it is unlikely that you will have the time or energy to be out and about trying new hobbies at the moment!

Have you looked on Facebook or on the internet for older mothers with babies in your area? It's all I can think of for the moment - there may be others out there just like you .

This is honestly where I think your local NCT class will be amazing. If you search on Facebook, you can find it. Huge generalisation, but a lot of the mums there tend to be older.

I’m an older mum too, and I think parenthood has similar struggles regardless of age though. I did lots of baby classes, an exercise class for mums with babies once a week, and found it really enjoyable.

That does sound hard but I would join some classes and really give them a try just because some of the mums are younger doesn't mean you can't spend time together . Are there any groups on fb you could seek out , events at the library etc

Thank you for the replies

My friends before pregnancy have just dwindled out. We have occasional meet ups or coffees. But nothing regular and it feels like I'm always contacting them so I've given up.

I'm working very part time from home for our family run business. Don't have funds for childcare so have to make do.

I'm not on Fb but will give those suggestions a go. I do regularly attend baby groups but am just not meeting anyone. I think it must just be me!

I promise it won’t be you - it sometimes takes a while to find your people! (I just posted this on the wrong thread and no idea how - I was reading a different one! )

Thank you for being so kind

Whereabouts are you OP? I'm an older mum in East Anglia - happy to make new friends 🙂

I can relate to this a bit. I'm quite a loner and don't like long periods of social interaction but sometimes it's nice to just have someone to talk to or text. I'm in my 30s and I'm a mum of 4. I had my first young so I became quite separated from my friends and then becoming a sahm has made sure I don't get much interaction. I always feel I don't fit in. Part of it I think is that my head is too involved with the kids and family life I don't have the capacity to have much of a social life so I am partly to blame for the fact I haven't stayed in touch with people, but I just never had the time. I was a single mum for a long time before I met my husband and even now I do feel isolated at times when husband's in work. I don't really have any advice but just wanted to say I think this is probably more common than you think and you won't be alone in feeling this way.

@Notgettingbetter

Whereabouts are you OP? I'm an older mum in East Anglia - happy to make new friends 🙂

I'm south west x

@furbabymama87

I can relate to this a bit. I'm quite a loner and don't like long periods of social interaction but sometimes it's nice to just have someone to talk to or text. I'm in my 30s and I'm a mum of 4. I had my first young so I became quite separated from my friends and then becoming a sahm has made sure I don't get much interaction. I always feel I don't fit in. Part of it I think is that my head is too involved with the kids and family life I don't have the capacity to have much of a social life so I am partly to blame for the fact I haven't stayed in touch with people, but I just never had the time. I was a single mum for a long time before I met my husband and even now I do feel isolated at times when husband's in work. I don't really have any advice but just wanted to say I think this is probably more common than you think and you won't be alone in feeling this way.

Ah it's so hard, and where I don't want other to be feeling like this it's nice to feel I'm not alone. It's amazing how easy you can slip into this place. When my older kids were young I'd be doing all sorts with other mums and was really busy and social. Whilst I miss those days I'd just be happy to have someone to go to the cinema or a drink with now! I'm so reliant and needy to my dh! X