Any advice for living together whilst separated?

[Shitonthebloodything]

We have 3 kids, got married less than 2 years ago but he wants out. We have to now live together for at least the next year. We’re having a talk tomorrow about how it will work.
Does anyone have any advice for making this work without killing each other or damaging the kids?

Another year? Any way round that?
We managed less than 2 weeks. It was truly miserable.
I guess things like routines and who is responsible for the dc at what times etc is the main thing. How old are the dc? Have you thought about what to tell them?

no way round it sadly.
Kids are 16, 10 (mine from previous) and our 3 year old. No idea what to tell them tbh.

Sounds tough.
I think in this situation it might be worth trying to work out together what to tell the older ones first. Ie. Bob is going to live here for a while but is moving out. I think perhaps the younger one doesn't need to know anything until their dad has a date to move out. At 3 years old another year is a huge amount of time.
Will he be responsible for the older 2 at all when you separate? Ideally he will still do things for / with them? Presuming he does already?
If the situation causes issues for the dc I think his exit needs to be sooner rather than later.

Could you rent a teeny tiny studio/ bedsit near you and take it in turns to do one week there and one week at home?

I can't remember what it's called... it has a name.

If you really have to... I'd say clearly defined separate spaces, even if you don't have buckets or room and need to use screens as room dividers. You both need somewhere that is in not shared and feels like your own. And a schedule that you stick to like glue in terms of what's expected of each other on which days. Perhaps a fund for paying into for shared items like cleaning and food (if you share that) like you would in a houseshare. Best way to not fall out is to have really clear expectations of each other and what will happen in various scenarios. The more boring and prescribed it is, the less room for disaster!

@Animood

Could you rent a teeny tiny studio/ bedsit near you and take it in turns to do one week there and one week at home?

I can't remember what it's called... it has a name.

It's called nesting.

First of all you’ll need to figure out with your H what it’ll mean for the two of you. Will you’ve living like roommates? Or like a married couple who doesn’t have sex?
How will the finances work? Sleeping in the same bed? Dating others? Etc.

Then I’d tell 16 yo first as they’ll be able to understand it. Depending on what ‘separation’ actually means - I’d wait telling the younger kids, as there isn’t much to gain. Unless you two will be acting very differently at home - say unless H moves to spare room and stops being around for dinner, etc.

Then, as the time of his actual moving out approaches - and it’s clearer what the arrangements would be then - I’d tell the younger kids.
The 10yo - as they aren’t your H’s - I presume you’ll tell H and you are separating and he is moving out.
The 4yo would have to be told that daddy is going to live somewhere else and they will be visiting daddy in his new house.

I am sorry. It’s not easy. I have lived with my exH for two years while out divorce was unfolding. It wasn’t easy. But I just made sure to be busy with kids routine and focused on getting through.

The nest idea is a good one, having somewhere to escape would be a blessing but it’s just not financially viable. I have a flat, it’s mine and he can’t touch it (short marriage, I made every payment) but tenants are in there and I can’t sell for another year. If I can ditch my self employed odd jobs and get a decent employed one I might stand half a chance of being independent then.
This house is big, there’s a basement he’s been sleeping in so that’s good. He hasn’t had dinner with us for ages, day to day the kids might not even notice. I can always tell the little ones it’s because he snores or something. He’s been awful to my 16 year old. I’ll tell him.

We’ve always had separate bank accounts so the finances won’t change yet. It’s just the day to day stuff to organise. No fucking way I’m doing wife work now.