Disappointed my DH coming home

[alltheprettythings]

Just that really. DH coming home from a cycling trip earlier than expected in the next few days - I wasn't expecting him until the the weekend or into the following week. I'm not sure what day he will be back but just realised how disappointed I am not excited about him coming home. I am dreading feeling suffocated in the house with him around, him having the TV on all the time, and wanting my attention all the time he is home. I am planning to visit my eldest son with my youngest in a few days (just for 1 night/2 days) and worried that I will be away when he comes home and he will (a) make a fuss I have gone without him (if I don't see my son now it really won't be until Christmas) and (b) be awful if we are not there when he arrives home. I don't know for sure yet if he will be home before we return but this news has got me thinking like this already. I also have other things planned over the weekend that mean me going to London for 3 days (home each night) and I know he will lay a guilt trip on me still going with the "but I've been away, I just want to be with you - if it were the other way round I would cancel and spend time with you" This is not something I could share with any of my close friends, just needed to express it to someone.

@alltheprettythings

I won't be changing any of my plans - and he would never tell me explicitly not to do something. In fact I would find that easier to deal if did rather than get the passive /aggressive "poor little me"/"if you loved me" victim games he plays. Sick of it, and it will get twisted and denied if I try to confront it.

Try not to “confront it” but simply to identify it.. “you’re going off and leaving me” generates “you keep saying I’m ‘leaving’ you”. It sounds really weird but it means he has to repeat an absurdity “yes, you’re leaving me…” and the ridiculous little statement has to sit in the cold light of day…

Just tell him, 'don't be silly - it's fine for you to go away cycling, so it's also fine for me to go to London, see my kids, etc.'

But does the relationship have a future if you feel like this about him?

Your relationship is over.

Time to formalise it.

So he's happy to go away for his hobby, but get pa when you do.

Don't cancel or change plans if he says you misses you, just respond with 'you don't miss me enough not to go away in your cycling weekend' or a variety of that.

Speaks volumes if you're actively dreading him coming home