I have a 17 month old toddler and since starting work 5 months ago my partner criticism has escalated into verbal abuse because I demand things from him and it’s now daily.
He shouts when I say something he doesn’t want to hear, calls me useless fat, cunt and lazy. Today he spat at me. He occasionally cleans the kitchen, feeds our daughter or takes her for a few hours but it’s always in negotiation for going to the gym, him having a lie in or watching a match.
He calls me lazy yet I’m the one that breastfeeds at night, prepares breakfast, cleans does the laundry and folds everything up, does the admin, does the mental load stuff etc. I used to be slim but hey I don’t have the time to go gym and if I take a break and workout he’ll call me down to find something, go toilet or change a dirty nappy.
We’re very lucky because my parents do most of the childcare when I’m at work but when he argues he claims that my parents to everything and all I do is sit on the sofa instead of interacting with my daughter. In fact he goes to the gym when my parents arrive instead of starting work which annoys them because they feel like he’s taking advantage of their kind nature whilst I’m running around sorting things out.
My parents say that I’m an amazing mum only implying that he needs to step because they notice that I do everything around the house while he plays with our daughter. (He doesn’t argue in front of them ). They said that playing with her is the minimum level of being a good father (he does take her out etc).
We don’t sleep in the same room because he can’t cope without sleep at night and wakes up if my daughter calls me to breastfeed. Yet he still complains that he couldn’t sleep at night because he was insomnia when and asks for a lie in whilst I probably have had less sleep and more broken sleep!
I own my house and we are not married and have begged him to leave and find his own place multiple times but he never does - just tries to rule with terror and I tell him leave our relationship is over.
Today’s incident was that I was playing in the garden with my daughter and saw some nettle weed in the garden and asked him for some garden gloves under the stairs so I could get rid of it. He said he checked and it wasn’t there - I said well open the door and you’ll see it to which he got annoyed. He didn’t check properly because I went inside and found the gloves straight away. He started getting angry at me saying I left our daughter outside by herself for the sake of making the garden look pretty when in fact he was the one watching the match and being lazy because if he checked properly I wouldn’t have had to leave the garden.
I want him gone but he doesn’t leave and I don’t want to go nuclear and tell my parents what he does because I don’t want to escalate things. I just want him to leave amicably and he is refusing to do so