Bottom of the pile

[Teaandtonic]

I can't believe I'm writing this. My head is all over the place. For a while now I've come bottom of the pile in the household. Kids, house, DH, work...it all takes priority over me. As a result I get spoken to like shit and the world expected from me. DH has his amazing points. He really does. But since we had children he just accepts how things are and just doesn't want to make any changes. He seems happy talking to me like I don't matter and although he apologises after it never changes, a few weeks or months later he will get stressed and just speak at me like I'm shit on the bottom of his shoe. I've told him tonight that it's pushing me away and I'm not going to take being in that cycle of being talked to like that anymore. I'm scared. My self esteem is so low and I'd give anything to have someone who just adores me. He doesn't adore me. He tolerates me at best. I'm scared about what being honest with him will do. If he will change and be proactive about getting help when he's stressed. I don't know. My head is all over the place.

You sound exactly like me a few years, my exW behaviour was like your DH

I tried to talk and reason with her, things improved for a few weeks then slipped back

I packed my bags and left

Sorry, can't type tonight - few years ago

What did he say when you told him you've had enough?

I think you need to consider ending the relationship and seriously plan for it. Maybe when he sees you're prepared to go, he'll sort himself out. If not, you need to follow through and leave.

What was his response to you saying that you'd had enough?.

Re your comment:-
"I'm scared about what being honest with him will do. If he will change and be proactive about getting help when he's stressed. I don't know".

Many people get stressed and do not resort to doing what your H does to you. Presumably as well he does not behave like this around and to other people. It to me sounds like he is abusive towards you; his actions are about wanting power and control here.

Feel the fear and do it anyway; plan your exit from this marriage with due care and attention and then present it to him as a done deal. If he is talking to you like you do not matter it may only be a matter of time before your children start to copy his behaviour.

What do you want to teach your kids about relationships and what are they learning here?. What did you learn about relationships from childhood?. It also does your children no favours at all to see such a dysfunctional relationship in their midst because they could go onto repeat this themselves. I would also think your self esteem will improve once you are separated legally from him.