I'm due go give birth to my first, much longed for, baby in November. My mum has a lot of complex emotional baggage and was not always very stable when I was growing-up. At best, emotional neglect and worst emotional abuse eg swearing, blame, anger, criticism, emototional dependency, largely as a result her own poor mental health and trauma. Things were often very tense or emotionally chaotic.
Our relationship has been through ups and downs but I have always resisted estrangement and at times over the years, we had managed a nicer relationship. She is ultimately very selfish and insecure. For example, she has told me she prefers me not to be around when she sees my nieces because they like playing with me. This is purely because they don't see me much as I work shifts. She can be cruel but I have ways given her the benefit of the doubt knowing that she is lonely and insecure. That has been until this pregnancy, which has made me seriously question whether hurtful interactions with her are worth it. She refuses to visit me where I live, has made comments like my partner's mother can be more involved with the baby and has stopped calling me despite me being open about how hard I'm finding things. I'm sure the root of it all is her own insecurity but I'm getting the the point where each hurtful interaction is just depressing me and that's not a good headspace before baby comes.
Has anyone else struggled with their own mother's reaction/lack of support towards their pregnancy?
At one point, I had to have an extra scan and when I messaged her from the hospital with the all clear she didn't reply or call. I rang her later and she said she had seen the message but been busy. Incidents like this make me question whether estrangement may actually be a better idea. Because try as I might, I am deeply hurt by her rejections.
I also feel I owe my baby a relationship with her grandmother.