Passive DH who sleeps if he doesn’t want to go out…

[SleepersWife]

I have married a man who comes from a family of not talking about things. They are all very passive and there is never even any healthy conflict or discussion.

DH has got a bit better with me but sometimes he will still be passive rather than say he’s not happy or doesn’t want to something. He’ll just keep quiet.

Anyway, I’ve noticed one of the ways he does this is that he sleeps!

We have a table booked for 730pm. It’s a 15 min drive so we need to leave in 10 mins. I am ready to go.

Yesterday, his mum asked him what we were up to this weekend and he replied, “we might be going out for dinner.” That was my first clue he didn’t actually want to go out this evening. I asked him why he told her it was only a maybe and he shrugged.

Cue this afternoon. About 4pm he started snoozing on the sofa. 6pm he wakes up and I ask him if he’s ready to go, he says he’s ready (he isn’t, he’s just in a t-shirt). He’s now gone back to sleep.

Now here’s the thing. If I don’t wake him and we miss dinner, he says it is my fault for not waking him. That if I had wanted to go I would have woken him.

Please give me some scripts I can say to stop him turning it back and making it my fault.

Thanks

Jesus! Go by yourself next time abd hope he doesn’t wake up. He sounds awful!

I hope he has some redeeming features because what you've said so far only makes me think he's a twat.

I would leave in the car alone. Pick up something to eat in the car. Go park somewhere with a good long view - hills or sea if possible. Park up. Turn your phone off. Have a good long think about things. Return quite late. Deal with it the following day.

@daisyjgrey

I hope he has some redeeming features because what you've said so far only makes me think he's a twat.

This.

Why exactly is he in his wildly unattractive huff?

Next time, just go on your own.

I'd just make it clear to him that, since he's not 8 years old, you don't consider waking him part of your domestic duties.

Should also say it does sound as though he may be depressed ? If not then Advice as just above !

This is why I don't want a man in my life anymore, this type of crap. I cannot do it any more.

Honestly I'd try less to make him communicate as well as you do and see if you can't work with him where he's at and build from there. Talk with him about how he would feel comfortable communicating his opinions, such as not wanting to go to dinner. Maybe he's afraid of saying he doesn't want to do something because you would then express your wish to go so strongly that he'd feel his opinion was null and void.

I am not a talker either. DH had to address this with me up front. The falling asleep thing is not the issue IMO, communication is. I think if you want things to change, maybe gently call him out on the passive stuff?

How was the food did it match the reviews?

My ex husband used to get "migraines" and go to sleep to get rid of them he was very possessive too we were due to go out one day he got a "migraine" and went to sleep effectively stopping us so I took the kids to the back garden he thought I had gone put without him flipped shit trying to ring me my phone was on the sofa so he dived in his car to come find me drove over to his familys house to find me not there we hear the car leave and are confused I text his mom along the lines of if he turns up we have been in the backgarden all along this was seen as me trying to give myself an "alibi" for "cheating" because apparently he checked and I wasn't there (he really fucking didn't) I was questioned the kids were questioned even the neighbours were asked if they saw me go out

It starts off with small things it could escalate into big

Why is he not talking to you??

"DH, I've noticed sometimes you go to sleep at odd times to avoid doing something you don't want to. Why don't you feel you can tell me that you don't want to do something?
I feel hurt and frustrated when you avoid doing something by sleeping instead of talking to me"

Oh Lord, the not talking crap. You have my deepest sympathy. I had this nonsense with my ex-husband. He didn't'do' talking either and it drove me wild. Be an adult and speak!
I think you have two choices. You either sit him down and say 'Look you need to tell me what you want/don't want like an adult because I'm not a mind reader.' Or you tell him this shit has to stop and we need to go to counseling. You decide.

What happened op?

Why is he going to sleep? Is he depressed?

How are you getting on OP ?

Why do you keep booking things for the two of you if he doesn’t want to go?

Just do things you want to do and go without him.