How to tell children about new relationship-advice please!

[Unfortunatevents]

Any advice or experiences welcome please. I’m currently going through a divorce, my ex has moved in with his new partner and children visit him there-all fine ish! I have met somebody new, since the summer, it’s been really lovely, very enjoyable and I’m ready to move things on a bit. So far my DC (9&6) know nothing about him as I see him when they’re with their dad. The issue is that I want to start doing things together around where I live and I know LOTS of people in the area-friends and family. So I don’t want other people to tell my children but I’m also not bothered about him meeting them at the moment. What’s the best thing to do!?’ Tell them and if so how or not say anything if I’m not bothered about him meeting them yet. Help please!

I think just don't treat it as a big deal. 'I've been seeing a really fun guy lately called Dave. I think you guys would find him a right laugh. Maybe I'll introduce you some time'.

In my own experience, I think it's too soon to be introducing your new man to your DC. Go with your feeling of not being bothered about it for now. There's no hurry, enjoy your new relationship and building on it. It's just that for children, they need time to adjust to the new living arrangements and need to be absolutely secure in either home and with each of their parents now apart. For example, it's possible they may feel they have to compete for their dad's attention since he's now living with someone else, it might not be the case but just from their perspective. It's pretty early days especially since your divorce process is not complete yet.

Just tell them you're dating.

Thanks I know what you mean about time, it’s only been 4 months and as I say I’m not interested in him being part of their lives it’s more that if I say nothing and someone else does I don’t want the children to be upset. But I guess we can just do stuff out of the area. Feels hard to move things on a bit then though. My priority is the kids so I’d rather not upset them unnecessarily. @Pinkbonbon it is nice having fun!!

maybe a general chat about mummy dating would be a good start @category12

That's what I'd go with - something general and lowkey about you starting to date a bit.

What sort of friends and family do you have that would tell a 6 & 9 yr old they've seen you out with a bloke?

It’s teenage cousins and friends children who go to school with my kids rather than my actual friends and family-it’s all rather closely knit….

I’d say nothing at this point - @ 6&9 your kids are quite young anyway. They don’t really know what dating means.
It’s highly unlikely that your adult friends having run into you and your bf on a street (in a restaurant) would then decide to discuss it with their kids. Who would then care enough to remember and say something to your kids at school.
Kids live more in their own world, and adults’ lives aren’t interesting to them.
And even in the odd chance someone says something - you can always tell them you were with a friend. Kids that age understand ‘friend’ better than ‘date’.

It’s good that you are waiting with introductions anyway. One set of new partners at a time is easier to digest for them. And for you and your guy - it gives you some more time to see where the relationship goes before you blend families.