Is it possible for this breakup to be temporary.

[IsaacC]

Recently me and my girlfriend have had a somewhat sudden but expected falling out. In the past we have had a couple close calls and they where all generally focused around the same thing. This was my first relationship so it was also a type of a learning experience on my part as well. This isn't an excuse and I will admit that I had become somewhat lazy in the way I treated my girlfriend for short periods of time. Back to the topic at hand, we recently broke up about a week ago and I didn't take it well at all... I knew something was up so it wasn't a total surprise but actually hearing it made it seem all too real. The first few days where very rough on me and I made the common mistake of doing a little bit of begging and trying to tell her that I can change and I want to make her happy again. This was on and off marking today the first whole week we have been broken up. She told me herself that she doesn't want me totally out of her life but she just doesn't see me as a good fit as a boyfriend right now. She implied that we could maybe be casual friends down the line but I realize that is is most likely her way of letting me down easy since things have ended on somewhat good terms she just wasn't happy with the way she had been treated by me currently. She also suggested that I just give her some time to think about things because she is also in technical collage right now with a job on top of that. This situation has been super stressful for me because I have a classic case of "You don't know what you have until its gone". We talked today and I again regretfully overshared my feelings of remorse about the situation but later restrained myself. I accepted her proposition of just letting her think about things for a couple weeks. I assured her that I want to prove to her that I can respect her decision to take some time to figure herself out and that I would like to prove myself dependable and trusting of my word again. This is stemming from the fact that she asked for change and me not fully committing to the change or not meeting her expectations. I would just like to know if this is salvageable. I know trust isn't something you can easily earn back but losing her like this really put my head on strait this time. I know in my heart I want her to be happy and it could be selfish of me to try and hold onto her like this. I may be a little desperate at the moment and I want to take this time apart to improve myself but also prepare myself if my worst fears come true and if she moves on quicker than I expected. I know most of you will tell me to move on with my life and I am probably holding onto false hope, and trust me these are options I have explored deeply even within just this past week. I just want to know if anyone has been through anything similar and if this breakup could be something that can be fixed with time and effort. She means a lot to me but I realize this is also a part of life. Thanks guys.

Note: We had been together for about a year and three months and knew each other for another 2 before that. We have a lot of history. I also would like some suggestions on an appropriate time frame for her space. She said a couple weeks but that's vague at best. I just want to know if its best I reach out to her to slowly try and rekindle things or any other suggestions.

Sorry about your split.

Honestly though, women don't tend to end things until we are pretty damn...done.

The few weeks of space think too is a red herring. She wants you to leave her alone. It's not a proposition, it's a demand. And one she has every right to make. She said 'a few weeks' to soften the blow. She is hoping you'll feel less raw by then so it'll be easier for you to let go.

Sorry to be the bare of bad news.

Not saying she might not get in touch again. It is possible she does want you in her life in some way shape or form. But I would advise you not to contact her. And honestly, be real with yourself, you shouldn't stay friends with someone you want something more from. So if I were you I would cut ties completely. Or you'll just stress yourself out and probably annoy her as she will feel burdened by your feelings.

"You don't know what you have until its gone"

AKA you treated her poorly but want to pretend you won't next time to sucker her in. Just find someone whose expectations you CAN meet. No point pretending to be someone you're not. It's exhausting and ultimately futile.

Leave her alone. If she wants you back she'll call.

Dude anything can happen.

But it won’t be anything good if you don’t respect her wishes. Don’t talk about her to people, don’t ask about her, don’t text her, don’t call, don’t email, and if you run into each other a head nod is enough.

You aren’t going to talk your way into someone wanting to be with you. You can’t show you’ve changed if you haven’t taken the time to respect her wishes and work on yourself.

Even if you were perfect you could still be dumped. So right now you need to focus o. Yourself. Hit the gym, clean, whatever.

Stay away from booze. Trust me. I know.

Go on YouTube if you need to and look up videos about being dumped. Everyone has the same advice because it’s honestly the best advice.

Never say never. She has likely thought about this for a long time. She is ahead of you feelings wise in this. The more you bed or insert yourself in her life the more of your value you lose. Don’t do it.

Anyways, I didn’t read your whole wall of text. But the details don’t even matter. When someone wants space only a low value person would not listen.

Level up.

PS: you don’t get to guess at how much time she wants you to leave her alone is “appropriate.”

DONT REACH OUT

Wait for her to do it.

Leave her alone dude. You blew it.

How is "a couple of weeks" vague?

@JustKittenAround

PS: you don’t get to guess at how much time she wants you to leave her alone is “appropriate.”

DONT REACH OUT

Wait for her to do it.

This. Stop pressuring and guilttripping the poor girl.

She'll reach out if she wants to.
You need to respect her asking for space. And you don't get to decide what the timeframe is.

There is rarely any longevity to on again off again relationships, they usually go from crisis to crisis before ending for good eventually.

But I see no signs that this is an on-off relationship anyway. She sounds done to me, she is buying time with the “few weeks” thing, she does not want a few weeks, she is hoping you will move on in the meantime. Leaver her alone now.

What did you do?

If you do get back together, I would guess it’ll last a few weeks and then you’ll split up again. I’d save yourself the heartache.

Maybe if you were right together you would have instinctively treated her well? What were you doing exactly, that you describe as not treating her well? I’m asking in order to gauge whether it is actually her expecting too much?

She's more likely to reflect and reach out to you if you say nothing.

She will, or she won't. But if you contact her, all you'll achieve is pissing her off right now. If you leave it, she'll have time to think and will contact you for postive reason. Give her a chance to miss you, she won't feel that if you're constantly in touch.

Together 3.5 months and knew each other for 2 months before that is not, OP, a "lot of history" - that's barely a blip. It is also a short enough duration that if you've been broken up several times during, I really have to wonder if you were a good fit in the first place.

You don't tell us your age(s) or what exactly you did to make her break up. That would have been useful.

Break ups hurt and make you sad ,its normal to feel like that . The first cup is the deepest they say !
You just need to back off now and allow time to heal you

Cut not cup!

I also would like some suggestions on an appropriate time frame for her space. She said a couple weeks but that's vague at best. I just want to know if its best I reach out to her

DO NOT CONTACT HER
She's trying to let you down easy and you are not understanding that. Stop contacting her. If she wants to contact you she will.

@ErrmWTAF

Together 3.5 months and knew each other for 2 months before that is not, OP, a "lot of history" - that's barely a blip. It is also a short enough duration that if you've been broken up several times during, I really have to wonder if you were a good fit in the first place.

You don't tell us your age(s) or what exactly you did to make her break up. That would have been useful.

To be fair he said a year and 3 months didn't he?

The more u try the more u push her away... go and live your best life and do not contact her.. this is the time she might think hold on.. he has really gone and get in touch possibly.. only way to go now

No relationship is going to work long-term when one person has to fundamentally change who they are in order to meet the needs or expectations of the other.

Sorry, but perhaps the two of you are just not compatible after all.

You were disrespectful to her during the relationship, so she left you.

Now you want to disrespect her decision to leave you.

Grow up. You blew it. She doesn't want you to 'reach out slowly' and 'rekindle things'. If that's what she wanted, she wouldn't have decided to end the relationship.

You need to focus on yourself; answer 2 questions. Why didn't you treat her right, and why do you want a relationship with somebody who just dumped you?

Quite right!

I’ve personally blown it in a relationship and it was a wake up call for me to be the value that I seek. I did not go trying to bother them because even if it wasn’t what I wanted, I still respected them.

We learn hard lessons sometimes. Nobody is perfect. This is a lesson in the fact that a high value woman isn’t going to put up with lazy BS. Also women really do tend to close the door hard once they have made up their minds. Push a women to the limit and she will leave.

You don't know what you have until its gone.

You can hope that she also feels this way after a couple of weeks apart but I have to be honest that I think it’s unlikely now.

She was your first relationship though. Hopefully next time you will treat a woman with the respect she deserves from the start.

That one's gone, treat the next one better.

Honestly, first relationships are for learning how to be. It's ridiculous to think you can get it all right first time. It's ok, it's part of life.
Women don't dump men lightly. They try and fix them, tell them what they want, say they are unhappy. If nothing changes, they walk. So it's too late.

Do it again, but better.

Whoops, hadn't spotted that, CloseYourEyes >Blush<

I stand by the rest, though. ☺️

If you treated her like shit then that makes you a piece of shit. She literally warned you about your treatment of her, you continued. You knew something was off, you continued. Now she’s dumped her. Please stop being a piece of shit and leave her alone.