When did you know it was all over and time to leave?

[Tinkerscuss]

I've posted a couple of times about my husband's emotional abuse.

I am in the process of working out a separation that won't leave me financially disadvantaged.

The moment I knew I had to end the marriage was when he made me leave the house (after a row about him constantly undermining me) and made me stay in a hotel.

It's been such a terrible time and my heart goes out to any of you who have watched your relationship end.

When I realised after years of emotional abuse that he was slowly destroying my soul, that I was slowly going under. Survival instinct kicked in & I was gone. I have never looked back

After stbxh's third confession of infidelity.
I had to beg to get him to the point of confessing. I had a breakdown soon after.

A year prior, I posted often on relationships board about stbxh's minimised version of events and a poster commented that there is always more. I became a woman on a mission. It paid off.

I will never forget that poster.

When my ExH said the only way he could see our marriage working was if I gave up my job.

I don't think so ! Realised then I needed to be my own person and not just his wife which is what he wanted.

I was heart broken but knew me giving up my only bit of independence was not the answer so glad I realised that

Now happily married to DH with 2 lovely boys he did me such a favour

2 things - when he ridiculed 14 yr old DD's new Demonia boots (which she had spent months saving for) and left her in tears, and 3 days later when he shouted at 10 yr old DS for messing around and hurting himself - he was so preoccupied with telling him off he didn't even think about comforting DS who was in tears.

I had been thinking about leaving him for years, but that was when everything became crystal clear and I told him to move out.

I'd gone to see my mum after doing a load of shopping.
He called in after work before going out for the evening. So I asked him if he could drop me at home with the shopping (less than a 5-minute drive). He swore at me and called me names, told me it was my problem and he didn't give a shit.
It was at that moment that I knew that was the last time I was going to let that happen. I left a few days later.

It got worse before it got better (he got violent) but it was the best decision I ever made and I knew that the day that I left. I felt liberated. All the shit he put me through afterwards, was still better than being with him.

[quote CinstonWhurchill]"@NewlySingle2021 because sometimes you go into autopilot as the OP already said, as a way of self protection. Either to preserve your emotional safety or physical. Then afterwards you go 'wtf just happened?'

So just leave and build a new life. Why tolerate this shite? Why put up with this crap? Build a new life. No need to put up with this crap. Just leave. [/quote]
Just leave. Build a new life.

Really? Words fail me. Do you have ANY idea of the complexities involved in an abusive relationship? Not everyone has the finances or support network to 'just leave' as you put it. What a ridiculous simplistic post

After he assaulted me I got him out of the house. There was a bit of 'keeping the relationship alive' in emails and messages then about 7 weeks later he said he'd been in hell and could he take me out to dinner?
I said Ok, and he replied with 'I promise it will be a night to remember'. I bailed immediately as all I could think of was the Titanic film of the same name. That was the end.

Thanks all.

All of these stories are truly shocking

@CinstonWhurchill

"I packed a bag and followed his orders".

Why are you following orders? Sorry, i do not understand why you as an adult are following orders ?

Don’t look so surprised, if you have not been in an abusive relationship you may find it difficult to understand that sometimes your survival may depend on clearing off before they lose their temper.