AIBU to be fed up?

[Elliot8t]

I’m feeling a bit fed up with my DH at the moment.
He’s got some issues with sinusitis and is waiting for an op but as he doesn’t sleep often, his mood is awful. This has been going on for 2 yrs as he’s been on a waiting list for surgery which is due end of Nov.
He is snappy, never wants to be intimate (not even cuddling any more) & can’t be bothered to do anything and leaves the house in a mess every day and expects me to clean up after him as he says he’s so exhausted.
I feel I’ve had enough as I work full time and I’m worn out doing all the cleaning and washing with no help.
I was very sympathetic at first but I can’t take it any longer. I’ve tried talking to him and he says I don’t understand how tired and poorly he feels.
We’ve got pets so I’m vacuuming every day as it is.
I’ve got to the point where if things don’t change after he’s had the op, I’ll be asking for a divorce.

Oh that sounds awful! I had four sinus surgeries back in the '90s with old fashioned gauze packing postoperative for a week after each but I never behaved like that with my hubby and I'm no saint! You don't deserve that just because he's tired and unwell. It's abusive and you deserve better. What does he say when you call him out? Do you call him out? I'd tell him if he wants a wife in the house when he comes back after surgery he better stop behaving like an asshole!

leaves the house in a mess every day and expects me to clean up after him as he says he’s so exhausted

How is he managing to make such a mess if all he's doing is lying around exhausted? Something about this doesn't ring true.

@TheFoundations my ex husband used to make the place a mess just by being in the house! No idea how, but a cup put down on the window-sill, sock fluff on the carpet, bread crumbs on the side, it used to drive me insane as I could just have cleaned right before he'd walked in the house and 2 seconds later it looked a mess again! Luckily I've now met someone who's tidier than me so I don't have to deal with it anymore!!!

Op I can see where you're coming from but equally my sister had lots of sinus operations when she was in her twenties, the final one involved taking part of her ribs to build the bridge of her nose up. She lacked sleep for years not being able to breath properly and every cold ended up resulting in sinusitis, nothing unbunged her and although it's not an excuse for being stroppy, I do sympathise with him too.

If the op is in November you may well be neariing the end of this, I really hope things settle down then, but if not then I'd feel the same as you, and like a pp said I would be making it clear that if he wants clear sinuses and a wife by January he had better sort himself out.

@TheFoundations

leaves the house in a mess every day and expects me to clean up after him as he says he’s so exhausted

How is he managing to make such a mess if all he's doing is lying around exhausted? Something about this doesn't ring true.

He works and leaves crumbs on worktop and floor, slops coffee on the floor and sugar on the worktop. He leaves hairs in the sink when he shaves and doesn’t rinse. It’s all definitely true so for you to say it’s not is upsetting.

I might be wrong but I read the post as meaning it doesn’t ring true that he’s too exhausted to tidy up if he’s able to make such a mess - i.e. he’s the one not ringing true, not you