Should I ask best friend to stop talking about work issues?

[Gonnagetgoing]

I've got a best friend whom I've known all my life but we've been best friends for 15 years now.

in her work life she has had issues with various people (bullying, people accusing her of having an affair) with men and women involved and to be quite honest I'm not sure if she's riled people up sometimes but I've always had her back.

Her current workplace is very toxic and she's worked there a long time but been unhappy and wanted/tried to leave with interviews etc but failed. She had a serious health problem a few years ago (not saying what, in case outing) but it seems whenever I meet her the conversation always swings round to her work issues, she sometimes but not often asks not to talk about work but regardless the conversation from her side always seems to swing about talking about work. I'm opposite in character to her, I leave a toxic environment or I try to resolve issues and if she asks re my work, I bring up work issues but generally I sort these out myself or work through them, not talk to others about them. With her it seems like Groundhog Day though, her work issues are played out over and over again and they take over her life. It's exhausting for me to listen to and due to her health condition I get worried for her.

So next time I see her, should I have a word with her and say I'd prefer to stop talking about work issues when we meet up? She does have another close friend she can vent to re work apart from me. She would never go to therapy/counselling for help as she's a person who always thinks she's right and very rarely admits she might be in the wrong.

And, I also found my angry friend utterly exhausting!

Your friend sounds like my old lodger, nothing and I mean nothing cheerful or pleasant ever came out of her mouth. She moaned from the moment she got up. She used to moan about work so I suggested she look for another job. No, she couldn't do that because of x, y or z. She moaned about her colleague not pulling her weight so I suggested she speak to their manager, nope she couldn't do that either. She bitched about 'friends'
or people from work who I actually like. She moaned about the TV, so I said why watch that programme if you hate the presenters. In the end I told her I don't want to know. It was so draining. I was on the verge of asking her to move out when she told me she was moving out. I'm so much happier now she has gone.

Some people are just mood hoovers who suck the life and soul out of everything and are never happy. Not sure if you can actually change their mindset or not.

@dudsville and @Isitreallyme177 - well although I think it’s part of her personality I don’t think it’s part of her personality all the time! She can be a lovely, funny, generous, multi-interests etc person and she can also be very kind re listening, sympathetic etc.

It’s this certain workplace which gets her down but she also can fall out with friends (who sometimes do try her patience). She’s lovely but can be quite rigid in her thoughts/views and quite outspoken re those too and she can try to hard to please people.

I had afternoon tea with a mutual friend today and though I’m not apologising I’m going to pop a card through her door saying I said what I said because I’m concerned for her health etc.

But regardless, I still want to shut down work issues with her. I wish she’d get therapy (she never will) for her work issues or see a life coach (she wants to be a life coach but would be the world’s worst life coach!) to help her focus.

@Isitreallyme177 - see, she’s not bitchy as such, well not in that way. She just rants about various people who’ve done her wrong but seems to really focus on this and not move on from what they’ve done or then perversely she forgives them! One of her close friends from ages ago she fell out with her and this friend’s DH, only saw them at arms length and was quite angry with them both and yet now, after distance and time apart their friendship appears to have recovered and they can now meet up and have a pleasant time.

I’m just exhausted going round and round listening to the same old stuff and someone who doesn’t do anything about it, or in her case, tries to change job in the same industry which is toxic and went wrong anyway!