After some advice.....

[MissGL]

Just after some thoughts.....

I have no interest in sex with my bf right now as my libido is very low. I either have to make up excuses saying I'm tired, or go ahead to make him happy. When in reality, I'd rather just watch TV.

Some times in bed I will wake up and he's stroking me, trying to initiate things, and I feel so awkward. If I say no or stop, he gets upset and I feel guilty, so I will go along with it.

We have been together a long time (10 years) and the spark has gone - I dont 'fancy' him anymore and see him as more of a friend. This is why my lidido is so low.

But I do love and care for him. I just crave an exciting sex life, but in reality, even when we first met, it was never really like that. I found him to be a great, funny, caring person, but that physical attraction was never really there to start with. I met him at a time I was struggling mentally and he helped me regain some confidence.

But lately it feels I almost dread bedtime 😔

For all manner of reasons end it.

I'd end the relationship. You could survive in a platonic relationship if it's what you both wanted but neither of you actually want it.

Sulking when you say no to sex after he's woken you up is an absolute arsehole move. What's the attraction in sex with someone who has to be guilt-tripped into it?

@girlmom21I agree. There's times when it's 6am and I feel his hand come over to caress me & my body almost freezes up.

I just want that urge to actually have sex again, & to feel that physical attraction

You need to end it.

Honestly. If it was two adults who wanted the same thing then it would be fine, but you are witholding intimacy from him which is not fair and can really have an affect on people, he is touching you at night which can be soul destroying and traumatising for you, and obviously the solution os not to force yourself when you don't want to as that can have damaging affects as well.

Admit how you feel so he does not feel inclined to come on to you and if you can't get past that you need to end it for everyone's sake

@themadcatparade thanks, I agree with what you say. Ive managed to get through for a while, but it's becoming mentally draining now.

And it's not fair on him or me

It's really crap when this happens isn't it I think it's where a lot of people go wrong with their relationships and it ends up on affairs and blame and heartbreak.

I've just kind of been on the other side with my partner who I thought went off sex and couldn't physically do it and we talked about it and it's now sorted but that was due to communication. If he hadn't had opened up and communicated god know what it would have been like in a years time if we hadn't had nipped it in the bud - it could have been unrepairable.

On the same hand i have been in an abusive relationship where I couldn't bare to go eat him due to how cruel he was to me and I had to endure me pretending to be asleep and him creeping and touching me in bed and it was traumatising!!

I have had issues in my first ever relationship where he used to deny me sex but lock himself in our bedroom wanking to my friends bikini pictures, and play games with me where he'd rush home from work every day to watch porn before I got home and he'd have a massive glow and a smile on his face when i game in and be in a good whistly mood, like he got off on the thrill of his secret of almost being caught. I knew, it wasnt a 'secret' like he thought and it was devastating being rejected like that. I think sexual and intimacy issues can cut deep.

It's heartbreaking all around, it sounds like you need a good honest chat to your partner and decide where you both go from there

If you aren’t happy in a relationship, you can of course leave.
However, I’d say one thing. An exciting sex life doesn’t just happen. It requires both people to put in some effort. And inevitably, after many years together with anyone - spark and excitement changes from what it is in the early days.
Also - changes in libido can happen for a number of reasons, including medical.

If all of that checks out and you just want to move on - then do.

Break up with him. Why you’ve stayed 10 years when you don’t fancy him is a mystery.

Set him free to have a normal, healthy, fulfilling relationship. You can stay celibate or find someone you actually find attractive.

It’s so unfair to keep flogging a dead horse. He’s been strung along for a decade. That’s not okay.

@themadcatparade thanks, yes I need to chat to him but I don't know how to approach it. I've started to feel more and more unhappy in the relationship and he's been emotionally controlling at times but he's all I've ever known. I too have pretended to be asleep 😔

@MMmomDD I do suffer with bad anxiety, so this may play a part. But I feel less anxious around him, I guess because I know there will be no intimacy.

@AnneLovesGilbert I fell pregnant early on in the relationship. And for the most part things have been ok, but the last couple I've been unhappy. I guess I've stayed for the security, and through fear of seperating and being alone

You aren't married and no promises have been made. It doesn't sound as though you have DC either!? But even if you have, I would say that no one owns you or your body. You decide what you do with it. It sounds as though your relationship has run its course, so sit down and explain to him that you need to get out. It's no one's fault, he's not to blame but neither are you. It's just life. I did that recently with my bf and we're good friends now. We've both moved on.