Myself and DH had a really in depth conversation debate in bed at 6am this morning it got quite involved and heated. We have been married for 15 yrs together for 18 and the spark is gone or at least hiding at present. Life is very busy and my DH works full time and I work 30 hrs a week - we also have an autistic son which puts alot of pressure on the relationship as DH and son do not get on. He took a step back from family life many many years ago - to cut a long story short I think he is autistic and my son and him are carbon copies of each other. He looks at other people and thinks they have perfect kids, a perfect marriage, a beautiful house, lots of sex and they laugh together every day. Because he only sees most other families from the periphery he doesn't really see or hear the real things that go on and thinks that our life as a family is one huge disaster. Sex is a big thing or lack of it (from my part!!) I am just so busy and I know I should try to find time for it but for me it just isn't a priority for me and he really needs it. One of the main problems here is he needs 9 hours a sleep a night I survive on 6 because if I went to bed at the same time as him I wouldn't get any time to watch TV or just chill out and to stay sane and focused and able to function day to day I really need an hour in the evening to wind down.
He isn't very social and going out together anywhere whether just the two of us or as a family is a chore. Anything that takes planning or organising he can't cope with. In our in depth dawn discussion he wishes we could be more like his best friend who has the perfect marriage. His friend married his childhood sweetheart and they have been together since they were 14. His friend inherited some money and they bought a couple of run down flats which they did up and sold on. Fast forward 28 years and they now own significant properties and they live off the rent. They have sex at least 5 times a week and they have perfectly behaved children with their eldest now at Oxford. They adore each other and make time for each other (because they don't work this is easy!!) they can't spend much time apart from each other because they miss each other so much. Their house is immaculate and they laugh together every minute of every day BUT my argument is this isn't real life - they are just very very lucky.
I do think I have fallen out of love with DH and him me but I also think people at this stage move on don't bother to work at it find someone new have a couple more children and when that relationship goes stale in 10 years they repeat the cycle. Out of my group of friends only one couple and me and DH are still together. He says you shouldn't ever have to work at a relationship it should come naturally.
I really dont know what the next step from here is....