How do you leave

[Lookingforadvice33]

How do I leave a relationship that needs to end? There's been abuse, and he's bad anger but refuses to get help. He's punched me in the face once, punched me in the arm a few times and once I tried to put my hand in the way and he broke my finger by punching it (after it happened he downplays it and says he was play fighting but that's not the truth that's what he tells everyone) he's punched walls/doors stabbed scissors in a door in anger. Broke 3 phones and a control and smashed a plate full of food, some of these infront of the children (4&1) I try get help from my family but they think i should stay because our children need a dad but I don't want them to have a childhood that I had, I don't want them having that trauma to deal with but I have no one to help me get through this mentally and I don't think I can't do it alone. Any advice please I'm scared. I'll be grateful for anything x

Speak to local domestic abuse services and go into a refuge with the kids.

Your family are wrong.

Call the Police
Call Women's Aid
Ignore your family
Tell your GP to access extra help

Are you married?

It took going to the police to help me end my abusive relationship. That way I knew there would be no going back.

Also getting a non molestation order in place as much as it killed me as I was in the turmoil of a trauma bond it keeps him away from me but also helped me break that bond.

Contact womens aid please please please. They will really help.

This had singlehandedly been one of the hardest things I've ever gone through in my life and whilst it's still not over as there's still a case ongoing it is also singlehandedly one of the best things I've ever done for myself and my life is starting to look up.

You've took the first step in realising it's right to leave and there is so much support out there. Woman's aid first, and they can help you with literally everything and direct you to even more relevant charities.

You have got this ❤❤❤

Dear woman, you have to get away immediately. Just run and do not look back.

The hardest part is thinking how the hell you’re going to get out. How you’ll cope, what will happen. I really remember the same crippling fear as to how I’d manage, how I’d never be able to sort everything out but it got to the point that the thought of staying was more frightening than the thought of leaving. Shortly after I just packed a bag and went to stay with my DF (who hadn’t a clue what had been going on and begged me to stay with my H.). I told my DF what had been going on and he let me stay. I wish to god I’d done it years before I did because my biggest regret was wasting 24 years in an utterly horrific marriage to a total Psychopathic bastard. Getting out saved my life. You can do this . If you have no real life support and it sounds like your family just don’t get it then ignore them. They’re wrong to want you to stay. It’s too dangerous. Contact the organisations that have been mentioned. They know how to help you. And there’s people on here who have left abusive relationships and who will listen. We know just how petrifying it is to make that first step. As soon as you can, call the police or women’s aid. You aren’t alone. You can do this and you will get through it and it will be worth it💕

I really feel for you OP, this was me 2 weeks ago. I'm now in a refuge and my children are safe. It's hard so so hard to make that break and I'm definitely not over the worst of it yet but my children are so much happier in the 8 days I've been in refuge.

I had to get the police to remove him as he wouldn't leave and I just couldn't take anymore. I rang the Haven who found me a refuge so give them a call they are really helpful. You can message me if you need any advice x

He doesn't have anger issues. He has abuse issues. He is not abusive because he is angry, he is angry because he I'd abusive. Its a deliberate control tactic. He means you harm.

No child deserves to grow up seeing their mother beaten. Leave. And please report the assaults to the police so that there is record. Even if nothing comes of it, it will protect any other women from him in future if she has suspicions early on and so asks for a Claire law check.

Wow thank you everyone for replying I really do appreciate it! ❤️
I really feel like I have no one to talk to abit this. I suffer with extreme anxiety and have isolated myself from friends to the point I no longer have any and I’m finding it so hard to just get the courage to call someone for help but it needs to happen. Whilst he is at work tomorrow I’m going to make the first step and pack everything of his and leave it outside for him. Again thank you all so much!!

I’d get professional advice before giving him any clue that you’re trying to end the relationship OP. It could be very dangerous for you and the children

The NHS has very useful advice [https://www.nhs.uk/live-well/healthy-body/getting-help-for-domestic-violence/ here]].

I agree that it is better to get advice or speak to the police before you let him know that you're ending the relationship.

You're doing the right thing by ending it but take care.

Sorry, link fail.

it's here

Feeling alone with all this is one of the hardest and most frightening part. Sending you the strength to do what you know you have to. You will get through this. It’s a tough tough thing to go through but the best thing you will ever do for yourself and your DC.

Be careful as others have said. You don’t want him to know what’s going on before you are out of there.