Why did he want a second chance if he’s acting the same? Am I expecting too much?

[ella2002]

I’m just trying to get some insights into this situation.

I broke up with this guy I was “seeing” because I just didn’t think he was serious about me... long story but he was dropping hints he was speaking to other women and I won’t entertain that idea. I set that boundary immediately when we started seeing each other 6 months ago.

We didn’t speak for 3 weeks. He did try and initiate conversation with me when he saw me in group settings but I only replied out of courtesy, made an effort never to be alone with him... I cancelled going to things Ifn I knew he’d be there. We hadn’t seen each other for 1 week and he messaged me saying he really missed me and he hoped he could make it up to me, apologised.

We ended up having a big argument & I just told him he didn’t know what he wanted he said “I do, I want you but I don’t know how to make it happen”. He said he never expected to catch all these feelings for me, and that he was apprehensive because I am moving away in a few months (about 2 hours away) and he thought I wasn’t serious about him. He also said he thought I was speaking to my ex. He then said he wanted to make more of an effort, and he seemed to over text, being more complimentary & basically doing stuff like replying immediately ringing me all the time, wanting to make plans all the time.... I thought the break/breakup maybe gave him a wake up call.

And at first when we saw each other in person he was different. He was way more affectionate, way more complimentary... he’d bought me a gift. Then after about 3 hours he just went back to how he was. Basically acting uninterested. Thought maybe he was tired but even when we woke up in the morning he was the same. I’m meant to be staging tonight as well but I just feel.... kinda like he doesn’t want me here?

He’s just going on his phone, going into his living room to speak to flatmates... all the nice stuff he was doing when I first got here has kinda gone??

I don’t wanna be dramatic and be like I’m leaving, but I also feel like he doesn’t really care.

He asked me to stay over for 2 nights as I am away the next week... and then he said as the evening came for the 2nd night “are you staying tonight too?” That made me feel like he didn’t want me to stay.

Also we are both quite young and in the other relationships I’ve had we had way more sex... we had sex when I got here and in the morning after... but nothing on the 2nd night or the morning after. I find them quite weird.

Why all the dramatic professions of falling for someone, and wanting a second chance with them, when he’s acting like this?

Or am I being spoilt... I’ve been here over 2 days, maybe he wants his own space... when I bring it up to him he just said he was fine and rhat we’ve been chatting as normal

I'd end this now
You are leaving anyway
Go home and be happy
He's so not worth it

It's not you being spoilt it's him, he just wants sex when it suits him and only giving you half arsed attention even when you are with him.

Yep. He wants a shag, and the chance of one in the future so he'll say what he needs to secure that.

He can't keep up the act of being really into you. The uninterested, half-arsed bloke is the real him. Ditch & block.

I wouldn't bother trying to keep this going. You've given him another chance, fine, but nothing has changed so why not leave now and move on, at least knowing you no longer need to be curious about if it could have worked.

He may just be looking for some short term.company until you move and saying whatever you need to hear to get that as this certainly doesn't sound sustainable long distance. Some men will chase you as they don't like the idea of you losing interest and want to prove to themselves that they can get you back. He sounds a bit of a dry lunch though when he's not chasing so don't keep on going in the hope that you'll get more of the romantic, passionate stuff as it seems that's in pretty short supply.

Put your coat on, pick up your bag and tell him you wish you could say it's been fun. Then turn your back on him and don't give him another chance.

Then after about 3 hours he just went back to how he was. Basically acting uninterested.

Was this after you'd had sex with him?

Either way, he's a flake and he's not worth your headspace - bin him.

That, what Hollowtalk said.

Just leave him to his flatmates

He wanted a shag.

I just find it strange that we didn’t really have that much sex?

I was there for 2 days and we had sex 2 times (very short)... I find it weird. If he was using me for sex why not just invite me for one night?

I also find it odd that after 3 weeks he got back in touch... I mean this guy is very good looking. He’s got girls on our uni course falling over themselves to get with him. I don’t get it

He only loves himself.
Which is no enough for you.
Leave him with his mirror.

Enjoy the rest of uni.

He was prob already shagged out..
Ltb.
And block him.

Probably his ego was punctured by you breaking it off with him. He was trying to get you into a drama triangle with other women so he'd feel like women are fighting over him. When you opted out of that mess, he was deflated.

So he proved he could get you - and when he did, promptly lost interest.

I daresay if you cut him off again, he'll try it on again.

He's a hot and cold type of guy - likes to mess with people.

Does it matter? He’s not what you want. Focus on that. Ditch him

Life is much less stressful when you’re not trying to figure out what motivates some bloke who can’t be honest with you Give that headspace to the people who do care about you

You're a sure thing.

You’ve probably answered your own question. He’s good looking and has girls falling over themselves for him. But you ended things. That made you a challenge and once he’d got you at his he went off you again because his ego was calmed.

Maybe not even in a planned out way, but people often want what they can’t have and this motivates them to try and get it back. Maybe he genuinely thought he felt more but now he’s sure of you once more the interest has gone.