Disappointed by my Father

[rookiemater]

Ok I have to post on here, because I don't think I am going to be able to discuss it in RL.

My F is a good one he loves me and his GC and I believe he loves my DM. However last night I returned from my GFs funeral and my D chose not to attend his FILs funeral.

I just feel its a really poor show. Ok it involved a short flight and my F isn't young but if he didn't think he should go as a mark of respect, then at least he could have gone to support my DM. In the end my uncle accompanied her. He isn't her brother and isn't even married to my aunt, and has a really poorly knee. I spoke to him to ask why my D didn't come and he said that I knew what my D is like and he had told my uncle not to make his excuses to anyone i.e. there was no good reason why he didn't come.

There are no technical reasons like poor health or finances, he just couldn't be bothered coming.

Ok fair enough, I know my D can be selfish and tbh I don't think there is any point in having a confrontation about it, but we are meant to go up there over christmas and go away for a few days with them and I am finding it hard to come to terms with his lack of consideration for my DM.

Any words of advice from anyone ?

It is very odd that he wouldn't go. Do you think there could be some bad feeling between them that you don't know about?

Nothing major carmenerry, I know that my GPs weren't pleased when M&D moved to the country that I am in, and also have made a few remarks about DM working as they were quite old fashioned. But then TBH M did have a hard deal as she worked F/T, earned more than D and did all the housework as well.

They have said a lot worse about and to my Uncle and yet he went.

I think my D is just lazy, he only accompanied my M once on her trips to visit them once they moved and that was only because I shamed him into it. I just feel sorry for my M, she must have felt a trifle embarassed that her own DH couldn't be bothered to come to her fathers funeral.

don't be too quick to judge - things might have happened that you're not aware of, and he's been considerate about not tarnishing your gf's character. you never know.

but ultimately, it's not your responsibility. leave it to your dm to deal with. it's not really your business.

if you really feel upset by it, mention it to him on holiday at an appropriate time.

I'd like to think that there was something else, but TBH my F wouldn't be subtle enough to keep a secret.

He is a "character" which is fine normally and my DM chose him and they seem happy enough generally.

OK, well if you need to get it off your chest, tell him you thought it was very poor of him. you're ashamed.