What the flip is a situationship?

[DuchessOfDisaster]

How does it differ from friends with benefits? I've never heard of it till I came on Mumsnet!

(I don't want one, I'm just curious!)

My interpretation of the term is that it's something that started as a relationship, and then the loving, romantic feelings petered out and you're just left with a hollow relationship. Typically at least one person wants out, but the situation keeps you together (kids, house, or marriage etc).

My understanding is that it is a proper relationship, but one where you don't see it going the distance. Ie Mr Right Now, rather than Mr Right.

I think they usually come about when two people fancy (love?) each other bit practically it won't work long term. Ie one doesn't want kids, or you can't be geographically in the same area

www.lexico.com/definition/situationship
A romantic or sexual relationship that is not considered to be formal or established.

It's a friends with benefits ++. It means you go on dates, have sex, talk regularly, are exclusive/not dating others BUT you are not in a relationship. Means you can't call them bf/gf and don't tend to meet friends and family either.

It differs from FwB in that it is exclusive, and you agree to not sleep with other people. Whereas in a FwB you can date around.

The only benefit of it I can see is that both people are not in the head space for a fully committed relationship but want a relationship lite/companionship without STDs. So I once did this when I had just separated, and he had come out of a long term relationship. We met, dated and realised we didn't want to have a bf/gf type thing. So we did it for 6 months and then I realised I was ready for something more serious, he still wasn't so we ended it. Never ever becoming bf/gf.

A lot of people end up in this unwittingly though because they never ever confirm that the person they're treating as a bf/gf sees them in the same way. So very important to confirm that you ARE in a relationship and not assume just because you do relationship type things, it is one. Just being exclusive doesn't mean relationship either. They have to actually refer to you as their bf/gf and introduce you as such. It's a small semantic difference but really shows their level of commitment.

A friend that you have sex with but no formal relationship - no ties no commitment. Nothing a couple would do like romantic walks, holidays, meals out - meeting family/frends - its pretty soul detroying to be honest - not for me

I used the term to describe a situation in which me and the guy had said to each other we were "in love" but there were always reasons why we couldn't have an official relationship. Those reasons were usually things I needed to do to be "worthy" of him, according to him. It ranged from "you should first move out and live completely alone for a while to prove you're an independent person and not clingy" (I lived with housemates at the time) to "you need to improve your language and speak more politely".

@DuchessOfDisaster FWB is a mutually agreed sexual relationship with no commitment.

A situationship is one where one of the partners thinks they are in a relationship (and treats it as such) while the other is just fu5king. You usually only realise you are in a situationship once it ends

In my day we used to call this 'seeing' someone

@yellowpigeons

In my day we used to call this 'seeing' someone

'Seeing someone' is what happens at the beginning of a relationship when you're.still working it out.

A situationship is less.defined even than that
There is lack.pf clarity. Often intentional because no one wants to address the elephant in the room.

It's like when a couple split up but decide to be friends and then the relationship continues looking very similar to it did before - dates, hanging out together, sex... but it no longer has the same.meaning
There's no longer love, commitment or a connection. Just going through the motions either in the hope the relationship will resume, not being ready to let go.

There are lots of threads on here where women are describing situations where they don't know what's happening because they've split up but it looks no different.

They're nothing like fwb which are, in my opinion, genuine friendships between people who care abut each other who sometimes have sex if they're both single where both people know what is going on and it's not exclusive.

When you don't know what's happening, how the relationship is progressing, you're kept stuck in situation that is confusing, I'd call that a situationship.

@Butterflyfern

My understanding is that it is a proper relationship, but one where you don't see it going the distance. Ie Mr Right Now, rather than Mr Right.

I think they usually come about when two people fancy (love?) each other bit practically it won't work long term. Ie one doesn't want kids, or you can't be geographically in the same area

Spot on op @Butterflyfern - this was my case!! Right person, wrong time/different life stages

So how do you know if you are a FWB - just being used or having a sitautionship without directly asking which is going to potentially freak a guy out anyway.

Just realised that I'm in a situationship. Never heard of them before

@Bluebells34

So how do you know if you are a FWB - just being used or having a sitautionship without directly asking which is going to potentially freak a guy out anyway.

Nobody really discusses it ...in my experience... We were exclusive/monogamous and did all the things one would do in a relationship...the feelings were genuine (as far as I could tell) but there was no possible progress of the relationship (that I experienced in the past)

I've never heard this term before but it is exactly the situation I am in! It's like an upgrade on FWB. We talk, holiday together, eat out, are exclusive but know there is no future in it. It suits us both

@Bluebells34

A friend that you have sex with but no formal relationship - no ties no commitment. Nothing a couple would do like romantic walks, holidays, meals out - meeting family/frends - its pretty soul detroying to be honest - not for me

That's no different to FWB is it?

This thread describes my 'love-life' to a T!

It's not an FWB. I think it's where there is love or at least real care and affection but for whatever reason, not real compatibility so rather than make a clean break, you continue doing couply things but without the expectation of it progressing anywhere. It's a comfort thing really and I don't think needs to be exclusive.

I imagine it as a Thing some people have going on but it's not a viable relationship. A bit of a drama-filled time sinking hole really.

I thought it meant a relationship that happens because of a situation - like being a contestant on Big Brother and once the situation ends, then the relationship ends.

It’s where if you were not in your situation you would not be together.

Think study abroad or the peace corps… where you only deal with a small group and so you make the best of it and when the situation is different… we’ll then you see…

Or you have a big group of friends and everyone is together but you and someone else and well.. they seem nice enough… all your friends are telling you both to give it a go… and you do.

The relationship is on a relationship because of the situation you are in and if you take away that situation you’ll likely go separate ways.

@BringOnTheOtherWorlders

I thought it meant a relationship that happens because of a situation - like being a contestant on Big Brother and once the situation ends, then the relationship ends.

Yes like this! Sorry I missed your post I did something I judge others on harshly. I’m humbled but also relieved that there are some who actually knows what it means.