The easy access of online dating - and how long do you wait?

[Misty9]

I'm not quite sure how to phrase this question, but for me online dating speeds everything up and often makes it more intense... So I have had a few intense encounters which then burn out as quickly as they started. I always resolve to stay off the apps for a bit, but then I get lonely and it's so easy to seek connection on them. But it can feel a bit rinse and repeat after a while.

So I suppose my question is, after one encounter (of a few weeks) ends, how long do you wait before getting back out there?! Days, weeks, hours?!

We would all have our answers but what is yours? Are you feeling like your approach isn't working for you? If so change it. But I don't think anyone else can tell you what's the best way for you, if you know what I mean?

I was (before I met DH on Tinder) very much a 'get back on the horse' girl but then I only went on two or three actual dates so it wasn't very often repeated. I think if you keep all expectations and dates light and social then it's a lot easier to come back ready for another if it doesn't progress.

I guess I'm looking to see what others do, rather than asking what I should do. But keeping it light is definitely something I struggle with when I feel a connection which is part of the problem I expect.

If I've been burnt, I normally leave it a few months and your more likely to come across new faces after a break.
I'm also sorting out a house move and new job so that is my priority atm anyway, I last dated in August but I'm leaving it until the new year now.

So this is a self control problem not necessarily an app problem. which I don't think you'll be by any means alone in.

My advice as a 'married because of Tinder' person is this (for what it's worth)

1/ These men are STRANGERS to you until you're well into an exclusive relationship - I'd say at least 6 months plus - until then treat them with wary curiosity and keep your eggs firmly away from their basket
2/ Dates are supposed to be social interactions, not contracts - keep it light hearted EVEN if you have sex - sex again is not a contract - it's just an enjoyable (hopefully!) shared experience between two consenting adults
3/ Say 'Yes' lots , you might meet lots of interesting, attractive people and some not so much but so what? Life is an experience and everything shouldn't be a goal
4/ You're not a prize and neither is he (I hate that saying!!) you're just two people looking for something you may or may not find in each other - if you don't respectfully move on, if they don't respectfully leave them alone and wish them well
5/ Dress up, feel fabulous and enjoy dating. Even if the date is a flop at least you'll look amazing - get lots of hot selfies and show your friends so they can big you up!!
6/ DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT get obsessed with texting. Particularly the good morning/night texts (eyeroll) You lived quite well without Roger the trucker sending you sexy eyes at 7.15am before you matched and your life DOES NOT depend on it now. You're a grown woman with stuff to do!!

Most of all, enjoy the highs, take the knocks and you may just get lucky once you relax and go with the flow - it worked for me - Good luck!!

Why do you care what others do? Are you looking to see if you're 'normal'?

@Misty9

I guess I'm looking to see what others do, rather than asking what I should do. But keeping it light is definitely something I struggle with when I feel a connection which is part of the problem I expect.

If you meet the right person, they will want to keep it light/get heavy to the same degree as you. If their level doesn't match yours, don't try to change your level (ie 'be more light'), just leave.

It is a bit of a numbers game. When I was OLD having three different dates in one week was not completely uncommon. If after half a dozen dates a potential relationship fizzled out I would probably take a few weeks off just to insofar as meeting people but that still did not stop me from 'window shopping' as it were. Do what you feel is right for you, there is no template as to when you have to get back out there. OLD can be fairly brutal and taking breaks is not a bad idea.

After my last few OLD experiences I’m currently leaning towards ‘forever’

@Gilda152 good advice all of it, thanks.

I think I'm trying to see if I'm abnormal, rather than normal! @DillonPanthersTexas this is sort of the internal battle I'm having - that what's the harm in window shopping, but then before I know it I've made a connection and the whole cycle starts again. With barely a week between

It's probably accurate that it's a self control issue too... Not my strong point!

Gilda152 is spot on with her advice, I followed very much the same path and enjoyed myself! I’m now getting married next year (was meant to be Sept 2020 but got postponed) to a gorgeous man who I met OL.