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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

FWB update

18 replies

Thewitchonthemoon · 20/10/2021 14:12

Not really sure he is a fwb or ever was. My previous thread is around here somewhere.

My ex now knows about it... not thw extent. That's another long thread I'll save for now.

I resumed the arrangement with him after a week of ending it.

He came over last night and I had a text today asking how I was etc and that he woke up at 5am and couldn't get back to sleep which was my fault. I questioned what he meant and he said that he doesn't know, but he thinks I'm driving him a bit crazy. I dug a bit more and he said he means in an emotional way and basically it kept him awake.

Does this mean he's maybe getting feelings for me?

OP posts:

Maze76 · 20/10/2021 14:46

I’d say so

ShouldersBackChestOutChinUp · 20/10/2021 14:50

Don't you think it's going to be really tedious for you having to puzzle him out all the time?

Wouldn't you prefer someone far more straightforward who is really into you instead of vaguely accusatory texts about his not being able to sleep?

Pinkbonbon · 20/10/2021 15:01

Sounds more like he is a headfucking wanker tbh.

If a man wants to be in a relationship with you then he asks to be in one.

If he isn't calling it a relationship then he doesn't like you in that way.

If however he is a fwb and starts spouting this shit about being kept up nights then he is a headfuckkng wanker. It's really that simple.

Step away from the asshole.

He wants you to fall in love with him so he is hinting he 'might' have feelings. It's not because he likes you - it's because his ego needs you to like him.

Thus shit is really common with fwb unfortunately. They want to have their cake and eat it. It breaks their fragile ego that you haven't fallen for then.m. These sorts of men are not the ones you pick for fwb. They have a different agenda to you and its not one that means good things for you.

RantyAunty · 20/10/2021 15:07

I 2nd the headfucking wanker

There really are many men out there who would be perfect for you but you won't have the chance to meet them hanging on to this wanker.

Original poster

Thewitchonthemoon · 20/10/2021 16:39

I know it may seem naive of me, but I really don't think he's your typical arsehole bloke. Although I could be wrong.

OP posts:

hazelgrey · 20/10/2021 16:40

I wholly agree with head fucking wanker

However , what do you actually want from him?

Original poster

Thewitchonthemoon · 25/10/2021 10:43

I think I would like to see where it could go. We have a mutual friend who I knew before I met my ex, and he has vouched for him. I do believe he is a genuine man.

He was meant to come over on Thursday, but as his ex was having their son Friday, Saturday and Sunday as he was going away, he had his son. He asked if he could ring when his son had gone to bed which he did. He got a lot of things straight. He told me that he really liked me, that when I cut him off for a week, he was more sad about that that when his ex finally left. He lost 3lb in weight as he barely ate and the time away, and after seeing each other at the party on the previous Saturday made him realise he was a lot more attached than he thought. He gave his version of the conversation with my ex, and said he asked my ex if we were together, surely he would prefer someone he knew and trusted around his daughter down the line. He then came over Friday night before going away.

Any thoughts on the new update would be great.

OP posts:

Original poster

Thewitchonthemoon · 25/10/2021 10:50

He also said that after his mother babysat for his son so he could go to the party on the Saturday, she has offered to have him for him if he wants to do something on Saturdays. So he told me that now she has offered, we will be able to go out etc.

OP posts:

RantyAunty · 25/10/2021 11:10

Some of the story is hard to follow. Where is he going away to?

What day was this he called you back after his son had gone to bed?

He came over Friday night, like a couple a days ago Friday?
What time did he come and what time did he leave?

ChargingBuck · 25/10/2021 11:38

I questioned what he meant and he said that he doesn't know, but he thinks I'm driving him a bit crazy. I dug a bit more and he said he means in an emotional way and basically it kept him awake.

Does this mean he's maybe getting feelings for me?

I have no idea, & neither does anyone on this thread. Only he knows that. Although I suspect that what it actually means is he is a tedious little player who likes toying with your emotions.

ChargingBuck · 25/10/2021 11:42

He got a lot of things straight. He told me that he really liked me, that when I cut him off for a week, he was more sad about that that when his ex finally left. He lost 3lb in weight as he barely ate and the time away, and after seeing each other at the party on the previous Saturday made him realise he was a lot more attached than he thought. He gave his version of the conversation with my ex, and said he asked my ex if we were together, surely he would prefer someone he knew and trusted around his daughter down the line

And THAT's "getting things straight"?
Sounds twisted to me.
Like a load of old melodramatic baloney.
With a kindly invitation to start playing the 'Pick-Me Dance' ...

Cupoteap · 25/10/2021 11:51

Too much drama for a FWB surely

Munginho · 25/10/2021 13:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

Opentooffers · 25/10/2021 13:22

Was the FWB situation your idea or his originally? Is that why you ended it, because you never wanted a FWB? Or was he getting too close?
If he has genuinely changed his tune, well, it's hard to know, because you've just said you resumed the FWB situation, and he came over and I assume you had sex before he went away, so basically back to a booty call.
It's not much of a break ending a FWB situation for 1 week, makes it look doubtful that either of you were behaving like FWB's to start with, as in that situation, you can expect meetups to only be a weekly thing anyway.
I think if you want to see if he's got genuine feelings and hoping for more off him, stop inviting him around for sex, take sex off the table for a while and go on actual dates.

Buggritbuggrit · 25/10/2021 13:47

OP, I’ve gone and read your previous threads. With kindness, this all seems very juvenile, rather silly and extremely muddled. Leave this man alone. The endless back and forth, the analysis of his gnomic utterances - none of this is healthy or worth your time.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 25/10/2021 18:20

OP with kindness, anyone you make this many threads about on MN is highly unlikely to be a suitable candidate for any healthy relationship. Whether FWB or more.

Because you are agonising over him, ruminating over what he has / hasn't said, projecting your feelings onto him, trying to crack his code and driving yourself mad. So it's not healthy. At all.

Just stop it, really.

PermanentTemporary · 25/10/2021 18:25

Try therapy.

I had a casual thing with a man like this. I kept thinking it could be something real. But in fact he was a drama queen who quite liked the idea of me but knew, really, that we weren't right together. Actually he did me a favour.

Walk away. It's not meant to be this hard. And I would say always avoid men who make being attracted to you sound like a disease. 'You've got under my skin...' ergh.

BingBongToTheMoon · 25/10/2021 18:47

@Thewitchonthemoon

I don’t see this as a good thing TBH. Why would he want his mum to babysit and not spend time with his son?

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