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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Really struggling with brother.

6 replies

NatMoz · 19/10/2021 16:05

I am currently 32 weeks pregnant so my emotions are probably running higher than normal so just tell me I'm an idiot if you want.

I rang home this morning to speak to my parents (always in at the time I rang, 8am). My brother picked up (aged 30 lives at home with parents) and I asked to speak to mum. He then went on to say 'they are not here' so I asked where they were and he said 'i can't tell you, it's not my place to say, it's private but whatever you do don't ring mum'.

He continues to refuse to tell me where they are but says I'm more than happy to have a chat. Obviously at this point I'm panicking, can't get any information out of him, the last thing I want to do is chat about idle nonsense, fearing the absolute worst.

Hung up on him and rang my dad. Turns out my mum had been referred to hospital to check on a mole (nothing to worry about, turns out not cancerous following appointment) but at that point based on my brother's response I was a wreck, crying, worrying my mum was seriously Ill/dying.

Afterwards, when I was absolutely seething with anger he said 'i told you not to ring, see everything was fine, I don't understand your weird logic, no point worrying you by telling you it was an appointment for a mole, have a great day'.

Maybe I'm hormonal and everything is stressing me out but I am still angry about it now.

When I told my mum she just laughed and said 'oh he has a different logic to things, don't worry about it'

I'm sure Mumsnet will tell me I'm being an idiot but trying to force information out of someone who is refusing to tell me what is going on and being left in the dark really upset me today Sad

OP posts:
Palavah · 19/10/2021 16:06

He was being a dick

HoHoHoHoHoHoHo · 19/10/2021 16:09

Hmmm in 50:50!

It really isn't his place to start telling you over the phone this morning where your mum is / what's going on - she probably wanted to go to the appointment before telling you. If she'd have wanted you to know, surely she'd have told you prior to the appointment? That's her business to tell you, not his.

I think the part where you say you were crying / a wreck / thinking she was dying is really rather over the top, and probably hormone / pregnancy related.

I agree with his point - no point worrying you telling you it was an appointment for a mole unless at the appointment it turned out to be worrying. Judging by your reaction / post, they may have thought you wouldn't have taken the news well and would have worried, so why tell you before they knew for sure.

QueenBee52 · 19/10/2021 16:53

He was a DICK and LOVED being a DICK... it was controlling manipulative and designed to make you distressed.. He is a DICK

QueenBee52 · 19/10/2021 16:53

@Palavah

He was being a dick

Yip

QueenBee52 · 19/10/2021 16:54

@HoHoHoHoHoHoHo

Hmmm in 50:50!

It really isn't his place to start telling you over the phone this morning where your mum is / what's going on - she probably wanted to go to the appointment before telling you. If she'd have wanted you to know, surely she'd have told you prior to the appointment? That's her business to tell you, not his.

I think the part where you say you were crying / a wreck / thinking she was dying is really rather over the top, and probably hormone / pregnancy related.

I agree with his point - no point worrying you telling you it was an appointment for a mole unless at the appointment it turned out to be worrying. Judging by your reaction / post, they may have thought you wouldn't have taken the news well and would have worried, so why tell you before they knew for sure.

how very patronising

HoHoHoHoHoHoHo · 19/10/2021 18:48

@QueenBee52 my post wasn't intended to be patronising at all! Just giving another point of view 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP no intention to patronise you! Genuinely just the first thoughts I had reading your post.

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