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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

“I like the way you carry yourself”

43 replies

allakaaaazam · 19/10/2021 14:07

I’m just wondering how you would interpret this comment from a new boyfriend? Only been dating 4 months, but known him for over a year, used to work together:

“I like the way you carry yourself in any kind of situation... I haven’t fallen for someone like this before”

The first bit.... what does it mean? Confidence?

This is the first time he’s ever really paid me a compliment (the last bit) and he’s not an overly gushy person. It was unexpected to be honest.

My friends have different opinions of what it means... some negative actually

OP posts:

Pinkbonbon · 19/10/2021 16:08

I think your friend is putting two and two together and getting 5.

However, I'll admit I don't necessarily see it as a complement because he added the 'other women are like such and such' in. It really depends on what he us like as a whole though. If there are no other red flags then maybe it was meant nicely.

Though I have had an abusive ex comment specifically on 'how confident' I sound after time apart from him and know fine well it was not actually a compliment. But that he was taking it as a challenge. So I know that comments about my confidence from men put me on my guard. Maybe your friend experienced similar.

Youknownothingsnow · 19/10/2021 16:11

Tbh I’d be more concerned about how my friends had responded than what he said.

BiscuitLover09876 · 19/10/2021 16:16

He's impressed! Confidence and assertive.

ILoveYouMoreTheEnd · 19/10/2021 16:17

This is such a lovely compliment to get IMO. In no way can it be interpreted as negative or undermining of you. I don't get that at all. I would think your friend has misinterpreted the meaning of what was said. X

black2black · 19/10/2021 16:18

Why didn’t you ask him what he meant?

Original poster

allakaaaazam · 19/10/2021 16:20

Thanks for the comments! I guess my friend has form for being negative

Just to clarify again he didn’t compare me to any other woman, he said he’s never fallen for anyone like this. He didn’t say I wasn’t like other women? I took that as meaning he liked me a lot... I also haven’t felt like this before but don’t think that’s me being abusive

OP posts:

IntermittentParps · 19/10/2021 16:22

Why are people unable to understand?
By 'I haven’t fallen for someone like this before' he meant 'I haven’t fallen for someone like I have fallen for you before.'

Pinkbonbon · 19/10/2021 16:27

@allakaaaazam

Thanks for the comments! I guess my friend has form for being negative

Ahh ok that changes things.

"Havent fallen for anyone like I have fallen for you" is not the same as "haven't fallen for anyone LIKE you'.

secretbookcase · 19/10/2021 16:29

I'd take it as a compliment. it has to mean you either move gracefully, confidently or sexily or your general conduct is confident and attractive.

AdelindSchade · 19/10/2021 16:30

Your friend might have some strange hang up of her own. It's a nice compliment.

Mydogmylife · 19/10/2021 16:33

Friends jealous / negative Nellie !

youvegottenminuteslynn · 19/10/2021 16:37

He sounds nice and normal.

Your friend sounds like she's the one negging you to be honest!

TerribleZebra · 19/10/2021 16:49

I think that is a fabulous compliment - I'd take it to mean you have a real presence in a room. As to the friend saying it could mean you are over confident - she needs to be told to do one (and obviously as you are apparently over confident you'll have no problem doing this ) . You don't need friends like that.

Hen2018 · 19/10/2021 17:09

I think it’s a compliment.

Unless you move from place to place like a dressage horse!

MeatyRvita · 19/10/2021 17:53

Can’t see how it could be negative at all! It surely means he likes the way you carry yourself and react in different situations - it’s very positive and I think a lovely compliment! I’d be really happy if I was given that compliment!

TenThousandSpoons · 19/10/2021 17:57

It’s a (lovely) compliment.

honeylulu · 19/10/2021 18:47

I think it's a great compliment. It suggests someone dignified and composed whatever they experience. The sort of assertive, unfazed yet pleasant demeanor many of us wish we could project. I feel full of admiration when I come across those people. I'm in the legal profession and immediately thought of some of the mediators we use: very pleasant to deal with but calmly assertive and eloquent in their explanations.

How your mate got a negative out of that I do not know! It's a much nicer compliment than a looks based one!

LoveFall · 19/10/2021 18:55

It's a compliment for sure, and a really lovely one. It means you have a presence that shows your confidence, intelligence, and beauty.

Don't question it, just enjoy him.

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