Dating but not be attracted to guys

[newdatingtime]

I've been divorced a year and OLD dating for 6 months.
I've dated around 6 guys (occasionally with some overlap☺), but my issue is that I never feel sure if there's anything long term in it and I don't generally feel immediate attraction to the guys I've seen - I'm more into the whole person. I have good fun and good sex, so I persevere.
Some guys have been upset when I've ended it and I don't like to do that so maybe I need to end things sooner? I'm 50 but was in a long difficult marriage.
How can I tell if liking someone will turn to love? I've been seeing a guy for 7 weeks (I see him 3 to 4 times a week) and he says he loves me. There's no pressure or red flags with this guy (OLD has been a steep learning curve).
Sounds pathetic at my age, but I don't think I'll get the certainty, that head over hills in love feeling. I'm worried that I'm just guarded because I don't want to go through the pain I had in my marriage and I'm not being fair on my current bf.

'i love you' after 7 weeks is very early.

Love and trust takes time to blossom - I personally would freak out if someone told me that they loved me after just 7 weeks.
Try not to over think or push yourself into the 'love' word just go with the flow and see what evolves over time.

I would be put off by a man saying he loves me after 7 weeks. I don't think that your reticence is necessarily a sign of a problem

I'm not being fair on my current bf

At seven weeks, I'm still finding out who someone's favourite band is, not declaring my love. There's nothing wrong with you. Your boyfriend sounds a bit premature.

It's time to grow up, and expect your dates to be grown up.

Spend as much time with them as you like. Feelings develop at their own pace and you can't predict them, so you just have to let it be. Adults just have to cope if someone ends a relationship. It's upsetting and there's no avoiding that.

'I love you' after 7 weeks and 'No red flags' is a contradiction: I love you after 7 weeks is a red flag. What does he think love is?

I think someone telling you they love you at 7 weeks IS a red flag, potentially. That’s very quick.

Your comments make me feel so much better. I prefer to take my time. Tbf, I think he just said how he felt, he probably won't repeat it for a while as I didn't reciprocate.
I just really want to enjoy the now and see what develops.

I will keep an eye out for red flags, but he's nothing like the love bomber I went out with.

I never really fancy people on first meeting. That has always grown for me, but I've always known if the potential was there or not and if I found them attractive.

@newdatingtime

I will keep an eye out for red flags, but he's nothing like the love bomber I went out with.

You don't have to 'keep an eye out for red flags'. If your date keeps respecting you and making you happy when you spend time together, keep spending time together. If not, leave. This filters out red flags, abusers, incompatibles, everything that you need to filter out, without you having to have a checklist of 'bad behaviours' to look out for. After all, your red flags will be different to everybody else's, because everybody has different boundaries.

If you're too guarded for this guy because of the pain in your marriage, that's fine. You're incompatible. But don't try to move your boundaries because of what he wants from the relationship. What's the point in having a boundary if you just put it wherever someone else wants you to?

@furbabymama87 That's how it is with me. I don't fancy people to start but attraction comes from connection. A friend has said 'I could do better', but attraction and connection isn't based on pure looks for me.
@TheFoundations I think maybe guarded was the wrong word, I think I just don't want to rush. He's respected my pace so far, so maybe I'm over thinking it!

He's respected my pace so far, so maybe I'm over thinking it

Yeah... no thinking required. Liberate yourself: do what feels good. If you have to let someone down, do it respectfully and gently. No further thoughts required. Enjoy not rushing; the slow life is great.

That's great advice. Thanks.