Please help me sort my feelings out. I'm a mess. Im not sure whether I am sexually attracted to my partner anymore and it's getting me down. I've been thinking this for a while but I've been putting it down to things. I had a baby, before the baby we wasnt in a good place. Sex has never been my partners strong point. He doesnt know how to make me finish or instigate it. It always feels very one sided. Now that our baby is nearly 1 I feel like I should be getting some form of resemblance to my old sex drive back but there is just nothing.
When my dp does try to kiss me I just start laughing which I feel bad for or I cringe because I know he wants sex and its like a switch happens. I instantly feel like in my head "okay here we go I need to get into the mood" and the pressure instantly kills it for me. There is just no chemistry there. The only time we have sex is if when I'm rarely in the mood which is mostly nearing my period and even then the sex feels bland because I know I'm just doing It as I'm hormonally driven and not because I want to do it with him if that makes sense.
Were both in our early twenties and I feel like we should still be having a happy active sex life . At first I thought I was because I'm breastfeeding, or because we havent really had a consistent sex life for two years as I didnt want sex when I was pregnant and in alot of discomfort. But the other day I went out and had a couple drinks and there was a worker there that wasnt even my type but I thought I'd quite happily rip his clothes off. Then I sobered up and came home and my partner tried to kiss me and I was completely not in the mood.
Help! Is it me? Are we in a rut? Is it the breastfeeding or the baby or lack of sex as a whole that has put me off or is just us and the way I feel towards him. I do think he is good looking, and when we arent in the bedroom I am more attracted to him. But when it comes to actually having sex I just completely turn off. What's wrong with me?