Relationship after 2 children

[moocow123]

How does anyone's relationship survive with 2 young children??

We were doing quite well after our first (now 4 years old). We also have an 18 month old now and it feels like all we do is work (both work full time), go to the park after, clean the house, eat, put the girls to bed and then have 1-2 hours to watch Tv as we are so tired. Then we have a nice weekend usually going to a million parks again though 😩. We visit family or see friends with their kids etc.

It all just seems a bit mundane. We actually have a lot of help in terms of childcare and MIL would have the girls over for a sleepover so we do get a bit of time but I find we just stay in with a takeaway as we are so tired. Sex life has obviously gone out the window (probably once/twice a month). Can't say I really care as I've never been mega sexual but I know is an issue for my partner.

Feels like we don't have much to talk about any more. We are always arguing. I feel like he doesn't notice if I dress up etc. Suppose it just feels like he kind of takes me for granted now and doesn't really laugh at me when I'm being funny and just sits on his phone the whole time.

Is this over or do other people go through this with young kids and manage to come through the other side?!

Kids broke my relationship! Like you the mundaneness and tierdness plunged me in to a deep depression. I felt taken for granted ...a cook, cleaner, mother and often thought if I came down stairs wearing a ball dress he would not even batter an eye. Its sad that the spark dies but what you have is a partnership - joint care of the bills and bringing your children up. Could yoiu suggest a date night once a month and MIL to have the kids - you may get the spark back if you spend quality time together as you did pre kids?

100% feel like I could have written your post, except we don’t really argue, and our DCs are older but yes everything else like doesn’t notice if I’ve changed my hair/ got make up on etc or if it’s really obv that I’ve done myself up for a night out with friends I’ll get a ‘you look nice’ but it has zero feeling behind it, it’s like he feels he needs to say it. There’s no passion at all and I completely feel taken for granted and just that he expects me to be there to do the dinner/ laundry/ collect kids from school and the occasional shag but more cos I’m a convenience to him rather than a real connection.
It’s sad isn’t it, coming to this realisation. I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently and just carry on day to day and hope things are different when the kids are older and not so dependent on us.

Having young DC is probably the toughest phase of an LTR, maybe old age infirmity is worse but we haven't got there yet so I don't know! But we have got through the kids stage and come out the other side. And it takes work, before kids you can take your relationship for granted, you have plenty of time for both your DP and yourself, intimacy whenever you want it, date nights at the drop of a hat. Then suddenly all that goes, your DP ceases to be front and centre in your life, date nights are a logistical nightmare, you may well be sleep-deprived and childcare becomes all-consuming. You need to talk this through with your DP, accept that things cannot be the same as before but at the same time it is possible to maintain a loving relationship if both sides put the effort in. When our DC were young and sex was in danger of slipping off the agenda we made a deal that we should try not to go more than a week without. Obviously that sometimes meant we did it when one or other of us was not exactly at the ripping our clothes off point but looking back now, almost 20 years later, it was a massively important decision, probably one of the best we ever made. Maintaining a physical connection somehow makes other problems seem less important. As soon as the DC were old enough to be left overnight with friends or relatives we would go away to a hotel, just for a night, every couple of months or so to reconnect and relive life before the DC if only briefly. And even when we were at home we would lead a sympathetic ear if one of us was feeling the pressure. And yes, things do get better when they get older, so y ou can look forward to the future!

I'm about to have baby 2 but mine and my husband's relationship has already suffered a fair bit after baby 1! I do feel we were starting to get a bit of a life back together with date nights etc now that our daughter is older so at least we've had a glimmer of hope before the new arrival!

It's really tough...we're exactly the same...hardly any sex, no intimacy, nothing to talk about, arguing etc. I do wonder if we'll make it through. It's made my already introverted husband retreat even more and the little free time we get he tends to want to spend it alone to recharge. I get that but keep telling him we need to make an effort to still connect as otherwise we won't make it. I'm getting tired of trying to 'convince' him though as it feels like I'm the only one trying.

I think the divorce rates are a harsh reality..a lot don't make it through. I'm hoping after baby 2 is a little older we can have more date nights and also re-discover our own identities getting back to hobbies / more time with friends which will give us something to talk about! Good luck!

It is really tough having young kids.
Ours are 6 and 2 1/2 and life often feels quite mundane….. school/nursery/work, housework, shopping, keeping the kids happy…..

By the time they’re settled for the night and we’ve done anything that needs doing, we’re both knackered. We don’t really have any family to help locally so we don’t go out often.

I’d say that the way we manage it is by being proactive in making sure we make the most of our time. So we do a mix of things rather than sit in front of TV every evening, which is very tempting.

Sometimes we do watch tv or a film.
Sometimes we play cards, or Yahtzee or something.
Sometimes we have the evening chatting.
Sometimes we do our own thing.
Sometimes we go up to bed early and read.

We aim to have sex 1-2 times a week…. sometimes more, sometimes less. But we are quite proactive about it as otherwise we’d probably not bother. We’ve bought lots of toys, lingerie, oils etc.

We make sure we are thoughtful toward one another and don’t take each other for granted. We thank each other for doing stuff around the house or with the kids and get each other little gifts (nothing expensive - just a fave chocolate bar or similar).

We don’t really argue much though if tired we’re more inclined to bicker and be a bit snippy. If one of us is feeling grumpy we try to say so before it escalates (ie sorry if I’m being a bit grumpy today, I was up in the night with ds and feeling tired. Im not meaning to be off with you).

I think kids are so dominant that it’s a case of remembering to focus on each other too and be people, not just exhausted parents. But you both have to be on the same page otherwise it feels like all give and no take.

@CreamFirstThenJamOnTop

It is really tough having young kids. Ours are 6 and 2 1/2 and life often feels quite mundane….. school/nursery/work, housework, shopping, keeping the kids happy…..

By the time they’re settled for the night and we’ve done anything that needs doing, we’re both knackered. We don’t really have any family to help locally so we don’t go out often.

I’d say that the way we manage it is by being proactive in making sure we make the most of our time. So we do a mix of things rather than sit in front of TV every evening, which is very tempting.

Sometimes we do watch tv or a film.
Sometimes we play cards, or Yahtzee or something.
Sometimes we have the evening chatting.
Sometimes we do our own thing.
Sometimes we go up to bed early and read.

We aim to have sex 1-2 times a week…. sometimes more, sometimes less. But we are quite proactive about it as otherwise we’d probably not bother. We’ve bought lots of toys, lingerie, oils etc.

We make sure we are thoughtful toward one another and don’t take each other for granted. We thank each other for doing stuff around the house or with the kids and get each other little gifts (nothing expensive - just a fave chocolate bar or similar).

We don’t really argue much though if tired we’re more inclined to bicker and be a bit snippy. If one of us is feeling grumpy we try to say so before it escalates (ie sorry if I’m being a bit grumpy today, I was up in the night with ds and feeling tired. Im not meaning to be off with you).

I think kids are so dominant that it’s a case of remembering to focus on each other too and be people, not just exhausted parents. But you both have to be on the same page otherwise it feels like all give and no take.

Great advice x

Hello, I know this is an old thread but how is everything?