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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

So called friend..

4 replies

JustDoneWithIt · 18/10/2021 03:38

Can't resist shit stirring about me.

It's been going on for over 20 years. I've backed off from her more than once because of it and she never seems to learn. She doesn't even really care, doesn't bother to contact me for years at a time until she sees me interacting with a mutual friend on social media and suddenly she's off again trying to put the boot in.

We were close a few times for many years and have a lot of history but as I say, I had to back off because of her constant troublemaking and it's almost like she doesn't want me to be friends with another friend of "hers" (we've all known each other a long time but she introduced us). Is it all about the limelight? She has a large group of "friends" and is very outgoing, i'm quiet and tend to stick to a few people.

I dont understand why she's like this and i'm on the verge of just deleting her and her family which I know sounds petty but i'm pretty much housebound so social media is the only way we keep in touch and the only way they see me interacting with anyone else. I'm not sure I feel comfortable with any of them looking at my social media if it's going to start her off again.

I really dont understand why she does it, she's in a very happy relationship, has a huge circle of friends etc. It's really hurtful because I was a good friend to her over the years and care about her very much, but I can't have someone in my life to hurt me over and over again when they keep gossiping and lying about me, especially when there's a good chance her stirring will affect my other friendship. It's ridiculous, we aren't in the playground!

Just wanted a rant I suppose, really annoyed. I've had a rough few years which she knows about and she still wont let up.

OP posts:
BunnytheFriendlyDragon · 18/10/2021 03:54

Just don't interact with her, unfollow her etc.

TopCatsTopHat · 18/10/2021 03:59

I think your assessment that she's a poor friend is fair and dropping the friendship would be reasonable. Doesn't sound like the relationship brings any joy to your life so what's the point. The supportive friendship you're offering isn't appreciated which is a shame but a clear induction things are out of balance. Take care of yourself

TopCatsTopHat · 18/10/2021 03:59

Indication

TheTrinity · 18/10/2021 10:19

I can't see anything positive at all for you and it's okay to delete/block her from everywhere. You need to take care of yourself and do what is necessary, you were a good friend to her and a friendship is like any other relationship, this is not working for you so time to end it.

A similar thing happened to me once and I was very hurt at the time, couldn't fathom what I had done wrong and kept trying to think if I'd ever hurt the 'friend' I had who would go out of her way to stop a mutual acquaintance from becoming friends with me and kept her only as her own friend - it was so weird, like in school as you say. I just had to accept that and move on. Some people just feel the need to be like that no matter how happy they are and that there is simply no reason for it.

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