I need to give up on this friend don’t I?

[MinnieMountain]

I’ve got a friend of 8 years who often cancels our arranged meet-ups and rarely re-arranges.

I tend to suggest things and she agrees enthusiastically, then something happens that means she has to cancel. She’s always very apologetic.

She’s had a tough time the last 2 years, so I tend to give her the benefit of the doubt. But it’s the first anniversary of my DM’s death tomorrow, I was going to suggest a walk then realised she’ll probably cancel which would make me feel even worse.

So I think I need to stop suggesting anything and just stick to chatting on the school run. Sensible for my own mental health?

Yes I would stop suggesting. I think I would only let someone cancel on me a couple of times before I decide they need to suggest the next arrangements.

I probably have been a bit of a push over. We’re supposedly close- not many people know about her diagnosed mental health condition for example- which I why I’ve let it happen for so long.

V sorry about your Mum.

Yes, would stop arranging stuff with her. You can still be friendly etc.

Thank you @Dozer. It’s going to be a difficult day but I’ve got a lovely DH and DS and I’m going to see a reliable friend.

Yes she probably is getting stressed having to come up with various excuses. I’m sure she likes you as a person but for whatever reason she obviously just feels more comfortable keeping you as a school run friend, so I’d be happy with that and leave her be.

See, I don’t think it’s that @OtterAndDog. She will sometimes make an effort to re-arrange and the reasons are always plausible (and similar).

I just think I’m way down her list of priorities.

I’d leave arranging anything for a bit and see if she comes up with anything.

Make new friends. This person does not respect you. I have had friendships like this which naturally drift away because they won't make the effort. On the whole they are like this with others too. There are some wonderful people out there waiting to make friends with someone like you.

Maybe she isn't in a great place mh wise and doesn't want you to know? She makes plans intending to meet up but bottles out.. Shame if she and you are nice!? Nobody should risk a good friendship...

You've probably hit the nail on the head that you are down on her list of priorities.
I would back off at this point and stop suggesting things.

If she has mental health issues it is very hard to make or stick to arrangements - it is an over whelming feeling. But that said your life is busy and to be let down constantly is not good for you - I would distance myself for a bit and let her come to you when she is in a better place