its taken me 2 months to say it...

[TLV]

but today I did, I actually said out loud that my husband had left me and dd and was never coming back. At the back of my mind (and he is in the process of divorcing me) I always thought that asking/begging for him to come back he would but today was the tip of the iceberg, I again put myself in a horrible place whereby all myself self respect was gone and I begged/pleaded with him to come home (in front of dd but all quite calm so it wouldn't upset her) anyway he got het up and in the end he threatened (or maybe its not a threat) to get his solicitor involved regarding his access to dd (not that i've stopped him seeing her) now I finally came to my senses and as sad as it is I now need to take some positives away from the whole experience. I can't ever forgive him for not giving me/the marriage another go and I can't ever get him out of my life but I will move on with mine and won't make myself bitter about him but show that my life has not stopped and I take with me the best thing in the world my beautiful dd

TLV your not alone, me and my dp wasnt married but was engaged for 4 years we was planning on getting married in 2009 as our baby is due next year so we knew we didnt have the money and i wanted to loose that baby weight lol anyway i found out he was cheating on me via a text from her and i said look ok youve slept with her etc i can forgive you for this we can get through it etc and he just walked out the door and said to much has happend, anyway i begged and pleaded with him again 3 days later and again he got angry and said no, and yes this was infront of my DD aswell, he didnt want to try at all and i cant understand that, i knew he loved her but i know we could have got through it, he didnt want to. He is with her now and hes not looking back, he ruined my DDs birthday on friday aswell! He has told me we was on a break when he slept with her and we wasnt!! hes lieing to me now and hes never lied to me before ever! Why can men just walk away from us like this and leave us heart broken, while they just move on and don`t look back for a second?
I so feel for you right now, i really do, all i can offer you is a big hug right now and to be honest i could do with one aswell x

sending a huge hug back x
I know in my heart me and dd will be ok even tho its going to be difficult some days and I can't imagine how you feel mom given that you are pregnant, I'm just going to try to keep busy and concentrate on me and dd and try to get through one day at a time. He has always said he feels guilty and that there is no one else involved well tbh now I really don't care anymore, I've been waking up at stupid o clock in the morning not being able to sleep and its not me thats walked out, hopefully now i've accepted it and don't worry about the future I should sleep well, him on the other hand well I will never know but nor will i worry

My xdp hasnt even said he feels guilty nor has he said sorry for what he has done, i know its different for me as mine cheated but im the same as you i wake up at stupid oclock aswell and i think about what i have done wrong, ive asked him if he sleeps etc and he said yeah. He doesnt feel guilty at all and that makes me and For me its only been 3 weeks or so and i feel weird as sometimes i just want to cry and other days when im busy i dont think about things at all. The thing is hes just moved on with the click of his fingers, he now tells me he was unhappy, but he never said nor did he show signs of being unhappy
I don`t think i will ever understand why he did this to us, and i know he will never come back he has made that very clear!

Mom have you thought about seeing a counsellor (sp) i'm seeing a relate one through my gp, I did stupidly offer for him to come with me but I now feel its something I should do for myself and make myself healthier and happier, infact tonight I had such a laugh with dd who is 2.5 and thought well this is all mine the whole wonderful lot

i have thought about it but i dont think i will go to be honest, i think im doing ok, if in a few months time things havent changed then i will go and see about it, i find it hard to talk to people i dont know and i know this is the idea as you can speak your mind etc..
My xdp came round today to see DD and i was watching him play with her toys, DD was laughing so much and i was thinking how can he not miss this, but then i thought well i bet he doesnt give us a second thought when hes with "her"! im getting alot of support of my family and i can lean on them, im lucky really even though they live far away

TLV and MOAP, you will get thru this. It's the hardest thing in the world and I feel so much for you both right now.

My H went out for an hour when I was 6.5m pg and didn't come back for 6 weeks.

Since then he's flitted in and out and I have let him. He blames depression etc. We'd only been married 7 months.

He says things are hard for him, as far as I'm concerned he doesn't have a bloody clue about hard!

Eventually I stopped coasting and waiting for him to sort himself out.

This week I have moved into a new flat and dd and I are starting our new lives properly.

I can't offer any insight into how or why they behave the way they do.

But, I have found that it's amazing what you can achieve. You will be okay I promise.

And MOAP, he didn't ruin your dd's birthday. You made her birthday with the cake and celebrations you put on for her.

Big hugs to you both.

Thankyou PC that means alot it really does

ps: it's true, on the upside they never get all teh love and giggles and kisses adn cuddles.

also, after speaking to a married friend this week, you never have to consult anyone or listen to anyone else's opinions or take their perspective into account.

you just get to make all the decisions on how to raise your kid.

and you get all the love and fun and you can be proud of yourself.

since he walked out the door ive been much calmer and DD has given me lots of love, cuddles and kisses and she even said to me the other day out of the blue i love you mommy and that just melted my heart! I know hes going to miss out on all the best bits and thats his own fault, he went mad the other day because he didnt get to see DD open her presents, but didnt he loose that right when he walked out the door and never looked back

I know I still have some hard times ahead, ie seeing the divorce papers (he is citing unreasonable behaviour! apparently tho its just stuff he thought of in order to get the divorce quick) and then I have to move house but on the upside I will be taking some equity out of the house and I won't have any worries there, I would like to think in time when he sees me happy with dd that he will have some regrets but who knows, I think you lot are great and heres to a better new year ahead

yeah i hope so too tlv, there really not worth our thoughts or tears

by the time you're happy with your dd, and settled, chances are you won't give a stuff what he thinks, and nor will you need to.
take care and keep on being tough.