Counseling..

[Mikethenight2good]

Hi,

Has anyone used relate or a similar body for just themselves or do you need to go as a couple?

There are issues in our marriage but want to go on my own first.
Outside of relate, does anyone have any recommendations?
Any feedback on what to expect be gratefully appreciated.

Thanks

If you look at counselling directory you can find trained and qualified counsellors near to you.

Look through their bios and find a few you feel positive about. Then make an appointment many do 1st for free to see how you feel about them.

You may want to look for one that will do couples as well as single but many find it works well for them to have 2 separate counsellors as working on self and couple are very different issues.

Not sure what you might want to know apart from that but please do ask I am 1 year short of being a qualified counsellor myself so know a fair bit in this area and attend personal therapy myself due to this.

As above, but also if the “issues” include abuse, it is never recommended to attend couples counselling with an abuser.
They never engage in good faith with the process, or accept responsibility, and seek only to manipulate the counsellor to agree with them.

Agree with others that if there is any abuse in the relationship then couples counselling is a complete no no. Getting counselling for yourself is a great idea though.

Hi thanks both for responding. No abuse involved.

I have done individual counseling before a few years ago. That homed in on other areas triggered by something that happened at the time.

I am so F off in our marriage I need to find a constructive way to deal with it. That's why I was thinking more relationship counseling...

Many private practitioners will do couples counselling too . You can filter for specific areas and find one that way

Could you say what some of the issues are? It helps to know this before giving advice.

Unless you both want to go, to actively work on the marriage, I would try individual counselling first, to get your thoughts straight.

@knittingaddict lots of resentment from me about I feel I have been dumped on. I don't feel I have any emotional support. I feel very lonely.

@overthethamesfromyou that's what I want to do. I haven't even asked him if he wants do it . I think I need to get my head clear first. Part of me feels nothing is going to change so I either put up or shut up.

Practically, look at the BACP website, read the bios, see who might be a good fit, send them an email or message and see how a first chat goes. It's always a bit hit and miss but you might find someone you can sort your thoughts out with.
Is your dh aware of how you feel or is he burying his head in the sand? Or just oblivious?
I wouldn't share the fact you are going, tbh. You'll only get grilled on what you talked about.

Is your partner enthusiastic about having couples counselling, @Mikethenight2good?