Offshore Boyfriend

[123xo321]

hi,
i have an offshore boyfriend who works on a ship and is away 60 days at a time, he was due back on december 1st and now he’s now told me he’s been delayed until december 11 (and this still isn’t set in stone). i’m massively struggling with him being away as we can’t book anything to look forward to, to make it that little bit easier, as he could get delayed again. we had our first little disagreement last night (he’s been away 3 weeks now and is due back 8 weeks today) and it totally broke my heart that we couldn’t even kiss and cuddle and makeup.
is anyone else in the same situation? how do you cope? i miss him soo much and the thought of having to wait another 8 weeks is heartbreaking
i keep thinking “i can’t do this” but then i just think of all the fun we will have when he’s back home. we have a good routine, we text often and he rings me for 1.5/2 hours every night before we go to bed.

is anyone else in the same situation?

I am not currently in your position but I have been in a long distance relationship before so I can relate in many ways. Unfortunately my experience didn't work out, but it doesn't have to be that way. The single most important thing is good communication, even more so in a LDR than a regular one. It's very hard being apart from someone you love but you must make sure it isn't making you more miserable than the amount of joy the relationship brings you if that makes sense? At one point, I felt like all I was doing in my relationship was being sad about the fact I missed him which really wasn't healthy. I had to get on with my life and look forward to seeing him as much as possible.

Will the off shore thing be a continuous thing or is it a one off? I would seriously have a think about how much you can put up with and if it's something you're willing to do long term. Many relationship experts agree, long distance can work but there needs to be an end point in mind for the distance. Otherwise it can become very tough. There really is nothing like a reunion after a long time apart though, I almost get the same butterflies now when I think back to those beautiful moments. Do whatever you feel is best, but put yourself first and don't wait around for someone if it's making you unhappy is my advice.

How long have you been together? Do you have much of a shared life together? It’s not a position I’d be putting myself in without commitment or future plans tbh. Do you live together? Would you like to marry?

Without sounding negative: LDRs can work but they are hard. And they bring a lot of uncertainty and loneliness for something that may be going nowhere.

I did a long term relationship over a distance for 2 years- probably saw each other every 5 weeks or so, with lots of contact via text and instant messaging. But there were planned holidays, a solid plan to move in together when the distance could be solved, etc. That quelled how much I missed him and gave me the confidence to live my time on my own to the fullest- lots of hobbies, friends, etc. I felt secure in the relationship so it made me less mopey.

I am. He's not on the ships but away offshore for 4-6 weeks (with delays) each time - more so this last year with quarantines and bad weather.

I've been through the feeling of "I can't do this" but I know I signed up for. I do think how much easier life would be if he worked onshore but then I remember he is good at what he does, he provides a great life for us and we have a lot of fun when he is home. I also get the best of both worlds so to speak - the time he is away I spend working, catching up with friends and doing things that I enjoy doing.. plus getting full control of the TV remote.

We have been together nearly 4 years and bought a house together. We don't call every day like we did when we first got together as life is busy, but we text when we can and chat on the phone / FaceTime a couple of times a week. It's a lot easier than chatting everyday.

It's hard each time he leaves but you need to remember life goes on. So make plans that can be rearranged, have fun with friends and family, and if he's there, even better.

I used to have a boyfriend who did 6/4 on rotation. I agree with pp that communication is absolutely key, but for me it didn’t work out long term. This may not apply in your situation, but I actually found it hard when he was home and I was working - he wanted to be out having fun every night, and I just couldn’t do it - as well as the six weeks he was away, and eventually put an end to it.

Having worked in oil companies previously I think a lot of guys go into it as new graduates and expecting to find an onshore post in a few years, but many get hooked on the money so it ends up being a longer term situation than they planned.

That said, one of my friends has been married for years to a guy who works offshore and they have three children, so of course it works for other people.

I had this about 28 years ago when my fiancé was offshore for 7 weeks at a time. In those days you there weren't mobiles to use and you could only use the sat-nav for a few mins a week.
We managed it for years and stayed married for 24 years.
It can work.

Hello! My partner works offshore and is currently on a good rotation 3 on 3 off. But even then still it's a struggle sometimes. With the kids, and work and juggling things. He was originally away longer, and a few delays with bad weather but had been steady recently. Although they have asked him to stay on or come out a few times! Few missed Xmas and bdays etc. It does have some perks when you get into routine though, little more cash spare and we do try and book holidays mid way through the trip to allow for delays and it really works that way. Because we've planned it, with extra time it doesn't cross over if you get me.

I found it much harder in the early relationships days than now, because we weren't loving together and didn't have the family connection together with MIL and SIL etc. But now that we do it works really well and keep up communication. It keeps things exciting for us and it's nice.

I really empathise though as it's had some hard times here if you ever want to talk xxx

I'm in North Scotland where nearly every other man works offshore. Usually 2/3 or 3/3 rotation is normal here. I struggled the most when my kids are away and I'm on my own. But the gym keeps me going and I used to have a second job when he was away. Not planning anything sucks. I hated it. It can be lonely. But Wats app is your best friend! Video chat, send pics. Voice notes. Arguments are tough when you are long distance. Both switch off for a day and regroup.