Is it cheating, would it be unkind to tell?

[notimeforgrieving]

Hi all, thanks for reading. I’m new here after searching for anonymous advice as can’t talk irl.
It has become apparent to me that a very old friend (m) is using a lot of his time talking to another mutual old friend (f). We have been good friends for a long time, never been interested in more certainly from my point of view (I always liked his best friend!). Now I know that he sends and receives exposing pictures and engages in explicit chat with her. They are in their mid 50s, him supposedly happily married, kids etc and her divorced for nearly 20 years with adult kids. Why would he do that? Is it cheating? Would it be unkind to tell his wife who I’ve met a few times but don’t know, not even sure if she’s remember me. I don’t think this woman is the only one either. I’ve got myself worked up about this and could do with some help from out there. What should I do?

I personally think it is cheating but if I was in your position I wouldn't say anything to the wife. Firstly because you don't know her very well but also because you don't have proof. It will possibly be the end of your friendship with the two involved as well and also the wife may not even believe you. It's not worth the risks. Your friend shouldn't have told you though and if I were you I would tell him how uncomfortable this has made you and ask him not to discuss it with you in future.

I haven't a clue how you'd broach that subject to a woman you barely know. In this instance, wouldn't it be better to have some strong words with your friend(s) about how being given this information has made you feel? It's certainly not fair on you to be given this secret information.

If he was my friend I'd make it clear I didn't approve and didn't want to hear about it. I wouldn't tell the wife because you say you know nothing about her so you can't possibly know if she already knows or would/ wouldn't want to know. It's not your business anyway.

Not sure why he's told you. Does he think you'd be impressed or shocked or something? Doesn't sound like he confided with a view of getting your advice.

Yes it's cheating. Yes it would be unkind to tell his wife as you hardly know her. I doubt very much she would thank you for telling her that her husband had confided in you, and he'd probably deny all and try and make out you'd invented it anyway.
I'd maybe rethink your friendship though if it bothers you this much.