This is long. If you can read it all then thank you. I need perspective.
ExH is in a relationship with P. They live together with her DC & my DC visit most weekends. All DC are primary age.
Often DC 1 will go to daddy’s on Friday night, but DC2 chooses to go on Saturday am, I think due to being tired but there maybe more to it. This is fine with EXH & I. I typically drop DC2 off when they are ready. Yesterday, I took DC2 to meet P & DC1 as ExH was at an appointment. There was confusion over the drop off arrangements & P was not expecting us, she made this clear in front of DC but said it was fine for him to stay. I asked Dc what he wanted & he said ‘I don’t mind’ so I took him into the park with the intention of staying for a bit & heading off once DC were settled. ExH would be there in approx one hour.
As we walked together, P made it clear to me that their morning had been‘disrupted’ by DC2 being able to choose when he goes there. I tried to explain the upheaval he is experiencing to her & how he needs us to be accommodated with kindness. She told me to ‘step up & be a parent’ & to ‘stop trying to be their best friend’ as well as other unpleasant things. When I told her to stop criticising me & my DC she said ‘look at your child’. I don’t know why she said this; both DC are well liked, kind DC both in & outside school. No real issues with their behaviour. I was very hurt, took both of my DC home (I wasn’t comfortable leaving them with her). I was visibly distressed & the DC were worried for me. I said I was ok but that P had been unkind to mummy & that’s not ok so we left. The DC did not hear any of P & my conversation.
There is a lot more to this. Since the beginning P has had it in for me. She’s been repeatedly nasty to me - mostly on text. She goes in cycles of picking what she perceives to be my personality apart, to apologising, then doing it all again.
Once she attempted to kill herself with all DC in her care (ex h was there). Dc did not know what she had done. My partner & I helped by getting her medical care & looking after her DC as well as my own. After this, I told ExH I did not want her caring for our DC, but a psychiatrist saw her & said she was not a risk to the DC & exh resumed the relationship with her & DC after reassurances from her.
Now, I am gutted, so confused. She has a complex background; abuse, fractured relationships, physical health issues. The main issue is that she is so nasty to me. Accused me of being either ‘controlling’, ‘passive’, ‘looking down my nose’ & of ‘faking’ my upset caused by her etc. She does not like ExH & I being friendly & tries to block or control contact between us. She tried to get us to agree to only be in touch at specific times.
I am frightened for my DC who are stuck with her & for myself as she’s in my life now too. ExH acknowledges it all but says he can’t/won’t leave- they are in couples therapy.
I am happy so with my DP & ExH & I are fine too. I just want to get on with life, but P is continually disruptive & I can’t get away from her due to the DC. I have now blocked her. I never insult her back, I just try to rise above it, but she channels so much anger at me. ExH had told me she ‘hates’ me & I am on edge at what she will do next.
I’m exhausted & sleep deprived from the stress of knowing my DC will be with her for the next 24hours.
Thank you for getting this far. Advice welcomed, please be gentle I’m so run down.