I want to disappear

[Sodad114]

Last week I turned 36 and two months ago my partner of 18 months ended things. We had had a difficult month or so as I’d had covid (badly) and while I wasn’t in hospital he isolated with me and cared for me. He was amazing really and I was really grateful. But it was lots of closed time from the world and pressure as it was worrying. I nearly went to hospital a couple of times and that sort of thing. He also missed out on work because of it and that’s really his passion in life, so when I recovered he was then worrying about work and I think things just got on top of him

Whatever the reasons, he’s gone and I’ve not heard from him. He was a bit older than me and had said settling down was his priority. I am shocked and sad he would throw us away like this when our relationship has been good. I thought maybe he’d met someone but no sign of that at all. He’s quite reclusive really and had been with me almost 24/7 the last month. We also have a mutual friend that works with him and I know they’d tell me if they got wind of that. Not that it matters why but almost makes it more confusing he would have ended it for no reason just because things had understandably become stressful when I was unwell.

Im just lying here in bed thinking how the fuck did my life end up like this? At 36?

I downloaded the dating apps just to look and everyone seems so unfamiliar all over again. I don’t think I can face dating again now or in the future. I feel old, i look older these days, I am exhausted with the idea of being messed about again. I genuinely thought I had met the person I would spend my life with when I met my ex. I had no idea he would cut ties the way he has and that I wouldn’t hear from him. I’m amazed by it really.

I feel fearful of life. Like a little girl again. It’s hard to explain. I want to come home to someone and feel safe and loved. I cannot imagine that for a moment. I feel my chance of a family is over. It’s not something I want to do alone. But literally everyone I look at online feels totally unfamiliar and scary and I just can’t face it in a way I once did.

I feel very low and scared and sad about the future. Just wanted to talk I think.

It’s normal to feel that way after such a recent breakup so please don’t be hard on yourself. Although it doesn’t seem like it now, things will get better, it will just take some time, you have to go through the cycle that happens after a breakup.

At 36 you’re not old. You can use this time to focus on yourself, try and prioritise your health, eat well, sleep well, exercise etc. If you’re feeling that you are looking older maybe try some new looks, have a make over, create the woman you want to be, then when you are ready to start dating again you’ll feel the best version of yourself.

Maybe leave the dating apps for now, you’re still mourning your old relationship, time to love you for now.

So sorry you’re hurting and feeling low, but think of this as a new opportunity and new chapter. At 36 you really do have time to still have it all.

Stay strong and be kind to yourself x

Beautiful advice from @Nearlymyturn

Thinking of you OP, it’s a difficult time. Please know that you will get through this. Take the time to care for yourself like you would for a friend going through the same.

Sending hugs op x

Lockdown seems to have affected people’s mental health or what they want from life so maybe he has reassessed. Be thankful he can no longer waste anymore of your time. Right now you should spend time with family and friends and focus on your hobbies. Exercise and nature really helps.

As PP have said, it’s natural to be very hurt and confused about your relationship ending and to grieve the ending of what seemed like a good relationship. Also as PP have said, 36 is still young. Various of my friends and family met their partners in their late 30s/early 40s and most went in to have children if they wanted to.

Oh you poor thing. I never say this but I think he might come back.

Hi Op,

So sorry to this happened to you.

Nobody can guarantee whether you will or won't meet 'someone'; other people's 'luck' is of no use to you sadly (or any of us), it's just random odds. Sure, they are nice stories but useless to us.

Why don't you want to explore having a child/family alone? At 36 you don't have that much time left, and you aren't that young - sorry but this is a fact in terms of biology - that's a fallacy when it comes to fertility. Egg quality declines, it can take longer (or not at all) to conceive miscarriage rates increase as do chromosomal abnormalities. Again anecdotal stories are 'nice' but the reality and stats tell a different story. Nobody can guarantee that YOU will be fine and won't have problems, that's just being in denial. Speak to you GP/visit a fertility clinic and do some fertility tests to see where you stand and then you'll be in a better position to make an informed decision.

Why are you downloading dating apps?! I'd understand if you wanted a hook up, we all have needs, but to be looking for another relationship?? You'll just be rebounding.....and I'd imagine it'll be difficult not to come across as desperate and distressed (since your relationship ended so recently). Don't do this to yourself.

Sending love to you. I can understand how you feel. I'm early 30s and really expected to marry the person I was with (the wedding was meant to be in 5 months time) but it seems like we are now in the process of separating. I know what you mean when you say you feel like a little girl. I feel desperately sad and like I want my mum to cuddle me and make it all better. I want a family too, and thought it would happen next year. It's so galling and confusing when these things happen and I am so sorry you are going through this.

Hello dear,

I am sorry to hear about your loss... perhaps it is best to distract yourself at the moment as not to let yourself stay in sadness... just try to remember that nothing lasts forever. You will not forever be unhappy. I suggest that you write a list of things that make you happy and focus on that...

36 is not old my dear, even if you hit 40, it will not be an obstacle for you to build a family.

Stay positive dear...