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Original poster

What to do about former friend's property in my flat?

39 replies

regthetabbycat · 15/10/2021 18:59

A friend was planning on leaving her husband without letting him know before the day she actually moved. She had bought some things and I said she could store them in my (small) flat until she found somewhere to live.

For various reasons she has broken off all contact with me and hasn't collected her belongings. I have reason to think she has left the area.

What should I do with her stuff? I'm tempted to sell it and donate the money to charity but don't want to find myself accused of theft! How long is reasonable to keep it?

I have kept the unanswered texts as proof I asked her to collect it.

OP posts:
KirstenBlest · 15/10/2021 19:01

How long has it been since you last communicated?

everythingcrossed · 15/10/2021 19:03

I suppose it depends how long you have been storing the stuff and how much it is worth. If it's a bit of bedding and some kitchen equipment, I'd text her saying that if you don't hear from her by x date you will be disposing of it. If it's inherited antiquds/jewellery, I'd make more of an effort to track her down.

Learningtobeafeministagain · 15/10/2021 19:05

Text and email her by every different method that you can and keep it short. Ie you things have been left at my very small flat since x day when you said you would need them by y date it is now a date. Please pick them up or contact me within 7 days or items will be dropped at your previously knows address / parents address. Thank you

Original poster
regthetabbycat · 15/10/2021 19:10

It's been here for about 7 weeks now and I last heard from her a month ago.

Just stuff like a flat-pack tv table, a clock and some bedding she had delivered here. Total value about £70.

OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 15/10/2021 19:12

I think I would hold it until the 6 months mark before I would contemplate getting rid of it in any way op.

Unless you're renting and have to move.

Frostine · 15/10/2021 19:13

Do you know a parent or sibling ? Take it around to them and say as unable to get a reply despite emails , here is xxx property.

HarrisonStickle · 15/10/2021 19:13

It would depend on the reasons she's cut contact. She could be feeling vulnerable and not wanting to contact anyone at the moment.

ZombieEthel · 15/10/2021 19:13

I would message her 'can you let me know by x date what you'd like to do with the items. I'm afraid I no longer have space to hold on to them, so if I don't hear from you by x date I will need to remove the items'.

Rainbowshine · 15/10/2021 19:14

Are there any mutual friends that could ask her about it for you, but tactfully so it doesn’t sound like “reg wants to get rid of your stuff”.

Stickyblue1987 · 15/10/2021 19:15

Do you know for sure she's alive and well?

Fallagain · 15/10/2021 19:17

@Stickyblue1987

Do you know for sure she's alive and well?
This is my concern too. I’m assuming she wanted to plan her escape from an abusive or potentially abuse partner. Leaving an abuser is the most dangerous time. I would be asking the police to do a welfare check.
HollowTalk · 15/10/2021 19:18

I think I'd be quite worried about this. Do you know whether she left her husband when she left the area? Do you know any of her relatives at all? I would be really worried that he'd hurt her or scared her or isolated her. What was your relationship like up until then?

DriftingBlue · 15/10/2021 19:24

Are you that cramped for space? Tuck it away in a corner and give it 6 months. In the meantime, hope that your friend managed to flee to safety.

Standrewsschool · 15/10/2021 19:32

Contact her and give her a deadline, and if she doesn’t Coll t by that date, then give it to charity.

Standrewsschool · 15/10/2021 19:33

Sorry, just read about unanswered text.

Di you know her family you couldcontwct?

Original poster
regthetabbycat · 15/10/2021 19:47

She didn't flee to safety. She admitted last time we spoke that she was the violent one in the relationship.

She has no friends locally she's in contact with and all her family are on Humberside about 40 miles from here.

OP posts:
TwoPaperAirplanes · 15/10/2021 20:13

@regthetabbycat

She didn't flee to safety. She admitted last time we spoke that she was the violent one in the relationship.

She has no friends locally she's in contact with and all her family are on Humberside about 40 miles from here.

There's a distinct possibility that she could have said that because she'd been gaslit and brainwashed to believe that was the case. If I believed my exh then I would be a vile, abusive bully. I was not and am not.

I'm worried for her welfare, if I'm honest.

MoveOnTheCards · 15/10/2021 20:21

I echo the earlier posters’ concerns about her safety.

SarahDippity · 15/10/2021 20:26

Given what you’ve written, I wouldn’t contact friends or family, nor give her ‘deadlines’. Maybe she doesn’t want to be found. Sounds like it’s not very personal items, so I’d just shove them under a bed for now.

ArranMumma · 15/10/2021 20:29

7 weeks doesn’t seem like that to long to be honest, if you have the space I’d hang onto it for a bit.

UnsolicitedDickPic · 15/10/2021 20:30

Why do you think she's cut contact with you, OP?

TwoPaperAirplanes · 15/10/2021 20:31

@SarahDippity

Given what you’ve written, I wouldn’t contact friends or family, nor give her ‘deadlines’. Maybe she doesn’t want to be found. Sounds like it’s not very personal items, so I’d just shove them under a bed for now.
This. If her safety relied on her leaving without a trace then so be it.

But I am worried for her welfare.

Theunamedcat · 15/10/2021 20:33

One more message if I don't hear from you by x date I will consider the property abandoned and dispose of it

Via text email WhatsApp etc I'd try to use a messenger app too just in case she has blocked my number

TakeYourFinalPosition · 15/10/2021 20:41

I'm tempted to sell it and donate the money to charity but don't want to find myself accused of theft! How long is reasonable to keep it?

It’s not yours to sell, if you agreed to store it for her. You’ve legally created a bailment, and you have a legal duty to take care of the items for a reasonable period.

You can send a letter giving her a reasonable amount of time (at least 3 months is usually recommended) to make contact and arrangements to collect the items; but that’s complicated if you don’t have an address for her; and you can’t just donate the items if she doesn’t respond, you’d need to sell them at market rates and send the money to her, minus any direct costs, which must be quantified and reasonable.

Can you store them somewhere so they’re out of sight and out of mind for a while?

fruitbrewhaha · 15/10/2021 20:46

7 weeks is nothing, I've stuff in the fridge older.

Can you not track her down?