Too friendly with (ex) wife.. Is this acceptable?

[Elliebb57]

Back story... Met my ex 26 years ago ,we were both single & were together 3 yrs, split up and i found he got married, i also moved on, he was married 16 years & they have a 23 yr old son, bumped into him and they were on the verge of seperating which they did and we got back together, obviously she didnt like it , he used to still go to there house for hours to see the son which was fine but he never spoke whilst there, he looked after the place while she was on holiday and i found out he still had the key for years , eventually we split again but got back together this was 2 years ago and he stayed round there a fews times , he said he slept on the settee, but i couldnt call him there and she couldnt know we were together cos of financial things, he said in 2015 they divorced i found out that was a lie and they apparently filed in feb this year..(so he says).. He buys her flowers and takes her for meals for her birthdays , he doesnt get it when i said it messed up our relationship to a point.. Theres nothing wrong with being friends with the mother of your child but i just feel he rubbed my face in it and over stepped the line.. We are not together now but i just want opinions as to was this normal or disrespectful?

Nobody is breaking any laws, so the question really is whether this is acceptable to you.

There are no rules. Well, there are, but your feelings make the rules. They are your rules, not ones that anybody else can tell you about.

So, if you felt it wasn't ok, it wasn't ok. You're the boss.

Thank goodness you aren't together anymore. Try and keep it this way and not go back as you have done before. He has lied to you and probably still hankering after his wife and their life before they split. Many men find it hard to move on after marriage and jump from relationship to relationship to fill the void in a hope the wife might take them back, seen it too many times. Its obviously still bothering you so I would suggest to try and put this in the file of 'bad decisions with relationships' and find someone else who has not only completed the divorce process but has had a lot of time away from the ex. Always keep your guard up until you can see that the marriage is truly over.

There's no right or wrong level of friendliness to have with an ex. Everyone's relationships are different and not all splits are acrimonious. If you're not happy with a level of friendliness then it's OK for you to feel that way. Someone else might feel differently.

What stands out to me as unacceptable is the fact he lied to you about being divorced and was secretive about your relationship. It wouldn't surprise me if his ex was under the impression they were trying to work on their relationship and there has been some overlapping in all this on/off dating.

he said he slept on the settee, but i couldnt call him there and she couldnt know we were together cos of financial things

I could fertilise three farmer's fields with that steaming pile of horseshit

He’s either still with his wife or still hung up on her. I’d end it. Too much drama.

He was shagging her - or trying to.

There's nothing wrong with being friendly to exes - in fact, assuming everyone is a nice enough person it's preferable to hating them (I think).

However, the key is that it's an open and transparent friendship in which new partners are included (as far as they want to be) and everyone knows where everyone stands.

Not this "I'm on the sofa but you can't call because of some horst shit reason" business. That's just a Destiny's Child moment (Say My Name).