Needed rant. Feeling old, unattractive and unworthy of love.

[Tadmad]

Im 34... i was very beautiful when i was a young adult, so beautiful i used to turn heads around where ever i go, with my accent and charisma.. life was one big party and i was at the centre of it..

Roll over 10 years... married and divorced with 2 kids.. relationship with kids dad toxic, he wont allow me to move on and he wont move on either.

I simply gave up on being happy and become the best in the situation.. just a mom, a really good one.. a mon that will go beyond and above for my kids.. this is a happy aspect of my life, this is all my life..

Ny hair is uncared for, i havent worn anything other than jeans and a hoodie in many years, i have been single for god know how long the thought of relationship is just hard work...

I also.. look different, a lot different, to the point that i am un recognisable.. i have completely became someone else.. someone lifeless, scared and scarred.
That glimmer in my eyes is gone.. my eyes are dead.. i look tired and neglected.. but i also feel bad looking/unattractive/not worthy of someones heart.. as if, if someone fell for me that someone must be Fd up big time to leave all those beautiful and interesting girls who have big lives going for them to settle for complicated, troubling and unattractive me with nothing to offer..

The thing is, if i put make up on, get my hair done .. i dont look good, i look like a bad cake covered with worse buttercream..

Donno if that even makes sense.. i guess i am lonely and would like to feel loved.

I hope this os just a phase, i hope i can find myself again and fight this path

It's your toxic ex saying this.

But he's your history now.

So start simple, gave a luxurious soak, exfoliate your freshly shaved skin, wash your hair twice and condition, cut/file your finger and toe nails.

Body lotion and face creams.

Get into a clean, calm bed.

Put a podcast on (strong funny women perhaps) find a kick ass chick lit book.

Make this a regular self treat.

Walk tall.

Get a beautiful jumper for autumn to replace your hoodie.

Start small, by spring you will feel like a reborn woman.

We all feel like this.
When we were 22 you could live off Guinness and salt & vinegar crisps, fall out of bed with glossy hair and perfect skin.

A fact of life each decade you spend more money on moisturiser!

What is your ex doing to obstruct you from moving on?

You sound depressed and very down on yourself, possibly to the point of dysmorphia.

34 is no age at all.

I think you need to separate out some of those issues - you're conflating looking older and more tired with being unlovable, which as a pp said is probably your ex talking. And how attractive you look is utterly subjective. All those glossy young beautiful girls are only loved if they happen to be in loving relationships - most of what happens is that they are admired or lusted over; ego boosting when it happens but not terribly meaningful. Nothing wrong with missing that part of your life, but please don't muddle it up with being loveable or having value - you always had that and it won't change. I like the idea of a bit of a pamper and a new jumper, treat yourself with value and care and hopefully your head will gradually catch up.

If you like reading, I can’t recommend Cecelia Ahern’s short stories Roar enough..

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0008283532/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?tag=mumsnetforu03-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1634234565&sr=8-1

And it’s not all about what you have to offer, it’s what someone has to offer you. Don’t compare yourself to what you looked like then, it doesn’t really matter. You need to find out how to like yourself for who you are now.

Do you exercise much? I know it's not easy to find time but it can really help with energy and self confidence cos of the endorphins and the nice glow you get afterwards.