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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Feeling so sad, can't stop eating crap...

14 replies

LittleMo234 · 14/10/2021 14:18

I've posted before about how I ditched my long term fella 4 months ago and in the last month I've caught feelings for him again.

We're still seeing each other as friends and I'm very glad about this but I asked him if he wanted to try again a few weeks ago then when I asked him if he'd thought about it last week he said he hadn't, so that's basically just a nice way of saying he's happier as friends isn't it?

I can't stop thinking about him and how much I miss all the things we used to enjoy together, it's making me so very sad and as is my usual way I'm comfort eating which is doing me no good.

I can't tell him how sad I am as it'll sound like emotional blackmail so I really need to have a word with myself and get used to the fact we'll only be friends now, but I think I'll always have a hope that he'll change his mind... I can't stand the thought of him being with someone else though!

Someone help me give my head a wobble please, I need to feel happy again. I'm usually such a positive person...

OP posts:

Dora26 · 14/10/2021 14:21

Being friends is just prolonging the agony - you need some distance at least til you accept it’s over.

Original poster

LittleMo234 · 14/10/2021 14:23

@Dora26

Being friends is just prolonging the agony - you need some distance at least til you accept it’s over.

I can't, that would be even worse

OP posts:

tribpot · 14/10/2021 14:27

I think I'll always have a hope that he'll change his mind... I can't stand the thought of him being with someone else though!

So how on earth is this is a sustainable situation? You're fooling yourself and it's just going to cause you pain. Basically the same as the comfort eating - it feels nice right away but is ultimately hollow and no good for you.

Can you make time to see other friends and keep away from him?

FallonBeesley · 14/10/2021 14:27

Why did you split up in the first place? I think you need to remember how you felt during that time. I would also suggest you cut contact because you’re prolonging the pain and making it harder for yourself.

Original poster

LittleMo234 · 15/10/2021 06:28

Why did you split up in the first place?

Because I stupidly thought it was the right thing to do. It was completely out of the blue and he must have been so hurt... wish I could turn back the clock.

OP posts:

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 15/10/2021 06:28

Stop seeing him as friends. This is just a slow motion break up.

Original poster

LittleMo234 · 15/10/2021 06:39

I'm not going to stop seeing him as friends for lots of reasons.

OP posts:

SoftplayTaintedLove · 15/10/2021 06:40

Why did you think it was the right thing to do, though? If it had been great and felt good you wouldn't have had that feeling.

FlamesEmbersAshes · 15/10/2021 06:47

@LittleMo234

I'm not going to stop seeing him as friends for lots of reasons.

That’s your choice I suppose. But it’s actually the worst thing you can do. He doesn’t want a relationship with you. Being friends with him is making you miserable. All you are doing is prolonging the agony.

category12 · 15/10/2021 07:06

Oh come on, that's very evasive - there must have been a reason you thought breaking up was the right thing to do.

You're the author of your own misery here. If you're pining after the guy, staying "friends" is just going to continue the pain.

HalzTangz · 15/10/2021 07:09

@LittleMo234

Why did you split up in the first place?

Because I stupidly thought it was the right thing to do. It was completely out of the blue and he must have been so hurt... wish I could turn back the clock.

But what was the reason behind it to make you think it was the right thing to do.

I agree with others, you need to pause the friendship until your in a better headspace

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 15/10/2021 07:15

You're going to feel sad for a lot longer then
Sorry, it's hard but that's the only way

MuffinsAreJustCakesAtBreakfast · 15/10/2021 18:13

@LittleMo234

I'm not going to stop seeing him as friends for lots of reasons.

Then you're going to suffer for a very long time.

Good luck.

litterbird · 15/10/2021 18:56

Whatever your reason to separate then he seems cool about it and seems to be getting on with life with just you as a friend. He will meet someone else soon and I am afraid if you want to be his friend you will have to watch it unfold. Normally though when the ex finds someone else the new friendship he has built with you will be put on the back burner whilst he builds a life with the new girlfriend. So, if you are happy to watch this happen then go for it. You finished it for a reason. Move on and find someone that suits you better as it clearly wasn't him as you wouldn't have finished with him.

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