What happened to my fight?

[Nomorefight]

I'm writing this as I don't know what happened in my marriage. We stopped fighting but maybe not in a good way!

Been Married for 3 years (35M to 35F), together for 10. I don't wish to disclose the children situation as I feel it should never be the case to stay together just for a child's sake. We'd both continue to be good co-parents.

For a while (2 years)now I've felt like we've drifted, if I'm honest the warning signs were there long before that I foolishly pushed to the back of my mind. We never really had the physical intimacy I'd have wanted, sex probably 2-3 time per year, never really kissed and had fewer and fewer mutual interests.

For 2 years we had lots of arguments about lots of trivial things, Christmas tree decorations, restaurant reservations, Christmas sausages to name a few of the trivial issues that blew up...not a great sign but there was fight, we'd be angry and later apologise.

Then 6 months ago I stopped fighting. I don't know why. I'm not sure it's a good thing. I know fighting isn't good but I almost feel apathetic. I don't think I'm depressed, I love my job and hobbies and friends and have a wonderful time doing all of these. I enjoy football and running and it seems I have subconsciously planned to spend as much time out of the house as possible as it's dull at home. It's just at home. We get on fine. Efficient. Transactional. Like a good work colleague. We sleep in a large bed with separate duvets and say good morning and how was your day. But if someone told me my marriage was actually void I'd shrug my shoulders. The thought of her with another man stirs no emotions in me. If occasionally she tries to provoke me I don't care "whatever". I have looked into therapy but thought I can't really be bothered.

I always thought that arguing was a bad sign in a marriage but I seem to have stumbled into something worse? Has anyone experienced this? What happened?

A very wise friend once said to me that she didn't mind if people she met loved her or if people she met hated her; what she did mind is when someone was disinterested.
You sound disinterested and apathetic. Is that about the relationship, or is that about your wife?

She is a very interesting person objectively but I would say I am not interested at the moment. She hasn't done any one bug thing wrong and is very civil to me. The relationship probably does disinterest me. I wouldn't get excited about spending time with just her for example. I recently had a birthday and actively sought friends to join us for a meal rather than have just the two of us.

Don't blame you for being apathetic, it sounds like a shit marriage. I don't think it's worth living like this.

Sounds like you have checked out from a relationship that is not making you happy.

Ah I feel for you! Sounds like a very difficult situation. First and foremost is this feeling something you want to change? If you have no want to fix the relationship then it is better for both of you to try and find something better.

Have you tried to tell her how you feel? Do you know how she feels?

Marriage can often feel like this and I find the couples that stay together are the ones who both want to keep trying. It can't be one sided and communication is key.

If you want to keep trying I'd say you have to make the relationship a priority, start regular date nights, find a hobby you can both enjoy. Even if that is a tv show you like to watch together

I would love to be in a happy, intimate caring relationship! There is the fear of the unknown and its hard to know what I would regret in 10 years. Staying in a functional sterile relationship or ending up lonely and struggling.

She knows how I feel, I think she harbours more hope than me but her needs are more easily met whereas I'm by nature a tactile and intimate person who needs that affection.