I've been married for 10 years, unhappily for 4. I'm hugely disappointed in my DH and the lack of support, affection and understanding I've received from him over the years. He is self centred, self serving and self entitled.
I'm also surrounded by other crap men. My own DF is a terrible father and always has been. DHs friends are, in my opinion, chauvinistic, misogynistic arseholes. I look at men these days and feel like I'm looking at a different race, they feel Unrelatable somehow but I don't know if this is actually the trauma of being with a man who hasn't had my back for so long. I can't bring myself to sleep with him, his hygiene is poor, he is unmotivated and lazy. I have found the experience of living with and trying to relate to him quite traumatic in the last few years after our children have been born.
I have however been supported by strong women over the last few years- other mothers, female counsellors, my own mum, my lovely cleaner and I also work with a group of brilliant, hard working women. I actually don't see a lot of men at all. The only men close in my life are a disappointing DH and DF.
I've begun having sexual thoughts about women in recent months and I'm questioning my sexuality. Or is this a product of being around disappointing men as opposed to actual feelings for women?
I am planning to leave DH, but it's taking time and I wonder if once I'm free of him, I'll feel attracted to men again? Even at my local gym, I look at men and just think negative thoughts about them.
I'd love to meet a nice man again, but wonder if I'll ever feel the same way about another man and actually, I'm gay?