I need help and advice and to give my head a wobble

[winginglife84]

I am in a relationship. The man is a bit older than me. He was my saviour when I was going through a horrible time when I was younger and that was that we were in love. I have kids he has kids none together though.... I raise my kids. He sees his once every couple of weeks.

He is so so so unhappy and angry all the time. I've tried everything and I mean everything getting his family involved trying to get him to go to the doctors trying to talk. Nothing works he is just unhappy. Two days of happiness means a week of pure anger or just grunts and laziness. It's killing me.

I have depended on him for years as I had mental health issues house money everything was his. I am now working full time sorting child care fully for my kids on my own. Still running the house like a good house wife should yawn I'm enjoying my life I'm happy. Then he comes in and whack back to reality he's angry or annoyed.

And then... a couple of months ago Mr X we will call him is a man from my younger years who I was really really close with nothing ever happened between us I think we both always wanted it too it just didn't happen has been trying to get my attention on social media... he's liking stuff and sharing things he knows I will see and messaged me to tell me he can see the sparkle in my eye is still there but I don't look happy he wants to talk..... I haven't messaged him or added him as a friend... because partner will see and yeah he's angry and home life would be hell. I've done nothing wrong. Apart from walk with a skip in my step and be much happier and when I see his name my heart skips a beat.

I don't know what to do. I can't just leave it's not that easy. I have kids. He has kids. House money everything is his I would have nothing and I am not about to live that life again not after the hell before. I do love my partner but he's bringing me down. I want him to be happy. But after years I just think is he going to be a grumpy old man?? I don't know what to do or think help me please tell me to stop being stupid

Sorry it's big. I could of went on forever actually speaking about this. I can't tell anyone as everyone in my life is all for him or al against him
There is no middle man here

I think you need to start relying on yourself rather than other people for happiness or providing your basic needs. I’m not judging you but you need to carve out a life that is for you and about your kids. You have started that process but are getting distracted by someone that is probably doing the rounds to see which women bits first and responds.

I assure you that my life. Is my kids. Everything I do is for my children's best interest. I run this house. He may offer money to this equation but that is all he has offered all this time he does nothing else. I now have my own money even though his is a considerable amount more than my wage and do not ask him for a penny and I insist I pay half the rent.

I think the last bit is a fair comment but at the same time. He just was and has never been like that. I think I may just be looking for grass that's greener. I just don't know what to do

As it stands the longer you stay with your partner the longer you are helping him build a future with nothing in it for you. You are living in his house presumably paying towards bills and mortgage. He sounds like an emotional drain on you constantly bringing you down and what was once a decent relationship has run it's course. You are working full time, so save up a deposit and start looking for a property to rent for you and your DC. Check out what you opwould be entitled to with top up benefits and then make the move and leave. When you are settled and a bit of time has passed that is when you can think about a future relationship, you really don't need to jump out of the frying pan into the fire.

Find out what benefits you can get and look for a place of your own. Don't let on to him you're leaving. If he offers to give you any money take it and save it back. Even an extra 500 would help you out leaving.

I guarantee Mr X is a chancer who is either a liar and cheat, chronically unemployed, addiction issues, conman user or abuser.

@redastherose @RantyAunty thank you x

OP you need to realise that you are not looking outwith your relationship for something better because ''the grass might be greener''. You're doing it because you're not happy.

You need to leave your BF's house and get somewhere of your own, where you can be happy every damn day, regardless of whether you're in a relationship or not !

Your BF was a huge help and support when you were at your lowest, but that does not mean that you owe him all your future happiness !

You have tried to help your BF to feel 'better/happy', but he's not interested in helping himself. Fine. But you 'owe' him nothing.
You have done more than your 'fair share' of cooking/cleaning/laundry/shopping etc as well as paying 50% of the rent, so he's quids in ! He's got quite the 'sweet deal' with you living there !

Time for you to move on. Get a deposit & first months rent saved and find yourself somewhere new to live with your kids.
Then every day your good mood and happy vibes won't be ruined by someone who isn't interested in whether or not they're ruining your happiness.

@updownroundandround oh you made me cry haha. Good tears though.
Thank you. That really meant a lot to read. I don't have the supportive friends family I need. I think I needed that as i knee deep down I need this x