Break up sex

[gomezico]

How normal/usual is it to have break up sex?

My boyfriend of two years came to say that the relationship is over. He said he was confused but thinks it's best we break up.

I was really upset. We kissed really passionately. And then one thing led to the other and we had sex. The first time since he went cold about a week ago.

He told me he was really going to miss it. As soon as we finished I started crying.

I don't get how you can have sex with someone if you don't feel attracted to them anymore. His reason for the break up was that he thinks there are people better suited for us out there.

I think it can be quite common. The exact same happened with my ex the last time I ever seen him but it was obvious there was no going forward.

I think it happens when there is so much emotion and passion involved that you get caught up in the moment and want to believe everything's going to be ok and the feelings for each other take over

Break up sex is the BEST!!!! Usually even better than normal. In your case, he didn’t say he was no longer attracted to you. And most people can easily have sex with people they aren’t attracted to. Just treasure the memory.

I think he's had his head turned, let him think the grass is greener but don't let him back if it doesn't turn out well for him.

Can't say I've ever had break up sex, if anyone told me that I'd quickly shove them out the door.

Yep, he's already getting down and dirty with someone else. The vast majority of men are far too cowardly to throw away a regular shag on the off chance of meeting someone more compatible

Typically, break up sex is one person trying desperately to salvage the relationship and the other taking advantage of a free ride.

I don't get how you can have sex with someone if you don't feel attracted to them anymore

Sexual attraction isn't the only sort of attraction, there's millions of things. He might still fancy you, but feel that your lives don't fit together or that your boundaries clash or that you're too different or he doesn't like the way you make banana muffins or he can't stand for another minute the way you have to play pool all the time whenever you go in a pub or.... D'you see what I mean? It could be anything.

Are you asking because you think it means he doesn't actually want to break up? He might not. Or he might. He's the one to tell you, not some random internet strangers who have never met him and have no idea about the nuances of the situation.

@altmember

Typically, break up sex is one person trying desperately to salvage the relationship and the other taking advantage of a free ride.

this ^ Sorry OP

@altmember

Typically, break up sex is one person trying desperately to salvage the relationship and the other taking advantage of a free ride.

How could you possibly claim to know this? From your own experience or from research?

I got dumped by a boyfriend when we were away at his friends wedding absolutely bloody miles from my home. We had break up sex and I thought we were Ok then he essentially fucked off and left me at a B&B with no way of getting to the station. One of his friends ( who I didn’t know) had to drop me off….took me about 4 hours to get home. Stupidly I took him back when he came grovelling a week later. I sure as shit wouldn’t be doing that now but I’m considerably older and wiser.

altmember
Typically, break up sex is one person trying desperately to salvage the relationship and the other taking advantage of a free ride.

^^ definitely one wants out and the others just realised

I think break up sex is really immature. Some one dumped you? Move on! You dumped someone? Move on!

He took advantage.. he is into someone else.. dont let him back when it goes wrong

Its called hysterical bonding.

@ittakes2

Its called hysterical bonding.

Only in some cases. People state their opinions like facts.

I know quite a few women who accidentally got pregnant through break up sex, coincidentally the guy returned once they announced their pregnancy.
Im with you OP, I also dont understand how soo many men fall for that

I think its really common. It's lovely, it's sad, its probably a bad idea, but I know I've done it (more than once ).

If you are both accepting of the breakup, it can be a kind of 'thank you and goodbye' - I have experienced that. (eg when we both agreed the relationship was over because neither of us wanted to move to the other's home country)

Never had it, I think I would be too upset to even think of such a thing and any man that tried it with me, I would lose all respect for.

What did I have once though was after an ex and I broke up, I wanted to talk to him so he came over. However, I was feeling flu-ish so I said I would sit in bed while we talked. I was wearing an old dressing gown, nothing sexy. He then got into bed with me and I asked what he was doing and again I repeated that I was in bed as I felt unwell. We spoke a bit, but as I was tired, I fell asleep, and when I woke up, he left.

I later found out that he had told everyone that I had tried to have sex with him but that he had refused